Wife has filed, and on we go

[christarn]

Mike, my gosh it has been so long since I talked with her...I think my last session was in Sept. if my memory serves me. She really encouraged me to let go of the rope. If he pushed or pulled, not to fight it. Just let go. She also wanted him to work more at the R. I jump at any chance to see him, and jump the minute...better yet the second the I see that he texts/calls. She is afraid if I don't/didn't make him work towards me a little, we would end up right back where we were before all of this started. The sad thing is, I am just now getting that! She really wanted to focus on what my 180's are/were at the time. Man, have the changed, so have my goals. The last time I talked with her, we were seeing eachother on averg. of twice a month and talking at least once or twice a week. It's sad that the more time that passes, the further we are a part.

He has asked not to do any dinners until he is done with all the OT. I tried sending a couple simple texts last week. I did not get any response. So I am done initiating contact at least until the month of OT is over. It's going to kill me, but as they say, what doesn't kill us will only make us stronger. I am currently getting a list of things together I want to say to him. Things that I regret and should apologize for in our R/M...and where I would like our future to go. It's been at least 6 months since we have talked about our R/M...and I know around here...we are not suppose to do that....but if you knew my h, he would procrastinate until the cows came home. I just really want to see where he stands. If there is a chance or not.

I have done a lot of growing over this 14 months away from him. I have come to a place where I want to grow old with somebody, I want children, I want to come home at night and have dinner with someone and talk about my day, or drink a cold beer. And putting off our lives when we could be working on things, is really starting to take its toll on me. I'm almost 30, and I see all of my friends with kids or pregnant. If I need to get out there and meet Mr. Right and start this dating thing again...and then have kids...I just would rather know...ya know!

I don't want to give up on him, and I pray he tells me he wants to work on things, hell I pray for that night, day, and any free moment I have. I just have hopes and dreams, and want to start living some of them, sooner rather than later!

take care....thanks for the ear!
Christa