Today was a better day for me all the way around. H and I had a really good talk before we headed out for dinner, desided to scrap the movie for the evening for a couple reasons. One H is coming down with a cold and had a pretty bad sinus headache, and H has to go into work at 4am. Why am I on the computer then? Well he is already asleep in the living room, he was trying to catch up on some TV.
H and I told H in our talk that he had some big shoes to fill. Not sure if you all know the OM was a friend from high school, so he was in fact at our wedding. Kind of funny I think. But H knew that OM and I had a very close friendship and that we talked about EVERYTHING. I told H when I was feeling neglected by him I would turn to the OM to fill that need, and OM knew that to a piont. I told H when ever OM and I would be out he would always pay, if i would drink when we would be out he would always make sure that I made it home OK, and that kind of stuff. And that was even before things changed. So maybe the A was happening long before I realized it was happening. But anyhow it is ended now. I also told H that OM knew how to make me feel special, then H asked me a very intersting question...Did I make you feel special when we were first going out? I told him yes, you did, and I want that feeling back. Which in all honesty he has been working really really hard at it. I also mentioned to him that I want to start going out with other people. I guess after we are done bowling on Sunday he planned on staying at the bowling alley for a bit to hit the bar and then go to dinner with a couple other couples, YEAH!!!! I even told him that we could have people over and that too, we don't always have to go to dinner and go out, we can stay in an entertain.
I need to keep reminding myself that I need to see the small steps that we are making rather that wanting a big leap.
During dinner we talked almost the whole time. About what I really can't tell you, it was a bunch of stuff. Now this too is an unusual event...I remember there were times that we would go out to eat and not say but ten words to each other. He opened my car door, and even put his arm around me, granted it was to get me out of the way of a car in the parking lot, but still.
Today there was a time that I thought that I should tell H about the extent of the R that I had with OM. I guess maybe I am moving towards that ever so slowly, to cushion the blow. But I am still on the fence about telling or not telling. I know that it would make me feel better in the short term but for the long term I think that it would make my life bad very very bad. I know that all the progress that we have made would be thrown out the window.
I guess I should go and wake up H and get him to bed for the night. More updates I am sure to come.
