The only way I can describe the way I feel about his is when I am with him I feel like that is where I am supposed to be. Good or bad I feel a sense of peace when he is around. He doesn't even have to apeak and when he is in the room I just feel that I am home. There are many times I can think of that he would be playing a video game and I would sit on the stairs and just for those few minutes watch him play. Not the game but him, the concentration in his face, the way he positioned his body when he played. I just loved to sit and watch him.
And when he would hug me I always for some reason just let out this sigh and snuggle into him. Like my world for that instance was a piece of heaven. I could have stayed there forever.
That is why I never asked for anything material. That is why I quit wearing perfume and why I didn't mind paying for a house that wasn't mine. Because when I was with him I felt whole and complete. I could have loved in a cardboard box with him and been happy as long as he loved me. But he stopped somewhere loving me.
I want that back. I want my hug but he is giving it to someone else. And I don't feel whole anymore. I walk around feeling like half a person. I have this feeling all day long like I am waiting for something but I don't know what. The feeling of expecting christmas but it hasn't come yet. Like I am biding time unitl IT happens but I don't know what IT is.
So I have bought the books and reading them and will reread them in the hopes that maybe he will give us another chance. If he doesn't then I can make myself a better person and realize I tried and that is all someone could ask for is to try.
