I'm sorry things are so rough right now. I really know how bad it can be when you're depressed. Many here on these boards suggest anti-depressants (AD) should the conditions get too hard to bear. I suffered (suffer) from clinical depression, for about three years now, and am still on a low dose of AD's. They don't take away the depression entirely but they really do help. Have you seen your doctor?
As far as your H moving out, that can be both a blessing and a curse. Yes, it will be very, very hard to see your spouse leave, almost unbearable, and it will make the suggested benefits of DB'ing and GALing so much harder to have an impact on your H (you have to remember this would only be a side benefit anyway.) But on the other hand, with your spouse gone, you will not have to directly endure their hostilities or have his affair shoved in your face all the time. You will actually gain some peace in not having to continually face this alien being and their disquieting behaviors.
Finally, you are not pathetic for continuing to care for and love your spouse even after they have committed one of the most horrible and painful actions imaginable upon us. We take our vows for better or for worse. And we just cannot turn this degree of love, commitment and devotion off so easily. Speaking for myself at least, once I made that commitment to my W 17 years ago and maintained that love all these years I just cannot turn it off so readily.
