Hijacking. We are all acutely aware of what happened and, considering that this place is a strategic area for a person to turn to for help...it really is a sad and pitiful thing that they did that. Truly. They even removed a letter I wrote to Michele. It literally is censorship.

As to you Frank, I think the answer is, basically, time and patience....and your ability to be true to yourself...will give you the answers. Sometimes, I find that turning things into a decision tree with regards to deciding on whether to operate on someone..helps me. If A, then B..if not B, then C.

There are only two choices..file or not file. If you are not ready to file...which I know you aren't, then you must batten down the hatches and be prepared for the choices your W will make...IF ..she makes them. So, as your friend, I know that you still value your M..want it...and in your own words, do not want to leave a legacy of D for your girls.

So...the answer is still right here...it's easy...you know the answer. You can't change her or control her....you can, however, make things worse and push her away. You've already told me over the phone that getting angry, etc, uses too much energy and you'd prefer to be loving and kind. So...the choices are clear:

Frank_D chooses not to file, he wants the M...so...there is nothing he can do except treat her with kindness and leave angry emotions in the dust

Then Frank, I think it only comes back to basic DB'ing..no pressure, no R talk, focus on yourself, move forward in the interim.

Easy peasy Japanesey.

NOT!

Stay strong.

Frank

Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11)
Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t
Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10
Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;