I came to a conclusion last night while trying to sleep in my crappy little apartment. I am getting screwed on this whole living arrangement deal.
She is the one that wanted to seperate yet for conveniance and financial reasons I am the one that moved out (I can stay in the apartment at the fire dept for nothing). I miss my home, I miss being comfortable. I hate everything about my apartment, I hate the smell even. And the worst part is I work at the fire dept. all day and then get off work and simply walk up stairs to my apartment, so I never leave work technically..
I am thinking very very seriously about telling her on Sunday when she gets home, that I am moving back home, she can stay or she can go that's up to her, but I am not spending another night in that crappy apartment. The financial part will be trying but if I have to eat Ramen Noodles for awhile I can do that. I realize completely that she may use this as an opportunity to move in with om, but I will deal with that, and at this point I am getting to where I don't really care, well at least today I don't..
Actually, Fyre, I was weighing your options and having trouble pointing you in any specific direction.
On the one hand, MLCer's crave their solitude and will go to the ends of the earth to get it. Moving back in will interrupt that, and may prolong the progression.
On the other hand, if she does decide to move in with OM, that certainly creates an interesting dynamic, now, doesn't it? It might bring them closer together...or...it might hasten the end of the relationship.
Most of the experienced LBSers on the board here will always advice against you moving out. But I haven't seen any advice or experiences regarding moving back in with the MLCer.
Me: 51 W: 50 M 24 yrs EA: since Apr 06 S22, S26, S28 ILYBNILWY:Nov 07
"It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything." Tyler Durden
I know, I tend to do thing a little backwards at times.
She doesn't seem to be craving solitude that much, in fact quite the opposite, I think she hates being alone right now. Maybe when you are alone with your thoughts it causes you to think about things you don't want to. Like what the heck am I doing. But that is just a guess on my part.
She told me one time that she had no intention of moving in with this guy, "this about me finding myself and that would not be helpful" was her comment. But I think it is BS..
I don't know I have gone back and forth on this quite a bit, I am a little nervous about her reaction. But I can't change what she is going to do. I know that I don't like the situation I am living in now.
Be 100% honest regarding your reasons for moving back in at least with yourself.
There is a certain ammount of personal freedom in not being subjected to thier MLC behaviour. You won't always feel like you are walking on eggshells, you won't get your hopes up, you won't see them naked, you won't get angry over them for flippant comments, you wont get angry at seeing her call OM, or suspecting that she is.
There are pro AND cons to both sides.
What you are suggesting is change, if you make a change be observant as to the effect that change makes and go from there.
If you can handle being in the same house with her, and it helps you, then do it. However, it is a VERY hard thing to do.
Ask Drew how difficult it is. I believe bomb's wife is still in the house as well.
Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn. - C.S. Lewis
Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B. - Jack3Beans
Listen without defending; Speak without offending - FaithinAK
In all honesty Jack, I don't think she will stay in the house.
I will be very surprised if she does. Most likely she will go stay with a friend (female) for a while and then after a little bit that is when I suspect she will make the decision about moving in with om.
I have thought about it a lot, well since last night, and I have all weekend to think it through. I intend to stay this weekend at the house and see how it feels. She is out of town this weekend. It will be a tough decision, but I have this nagging feeling that it is time to stop reacting to her and to start doing things for me.
