I know what you're saying, Grace, and I admire your clarity. I value your posts a lot even though it appears that I resist a lot of your advice!
The little clarity I have, I've gained through questions that other's (and even I) have posed. I think like all of us, you're just trying to find your own way the best you can. If one of my questions (or lines of thought) gives you a definate "No", that's something you've got. I'm not looking for you to agree with me. Just to discover what you want/need for you and the kids.
I walk a rather tweeked line as far was what to tell kids. While my H and I made it clear (right after the bomb) that we we're having problems. Our lie was that we were trying to "find a solution". Well, I guess you can make the argument it wasn't a lie b/c he found his solution. We just haven't shared it with our D's. When he leaves we will. To give them an additional 5 minutes of peace, I'd eat broken glass. I'm sure on some level they know things aren't really "right", but they also see two peolple who love them more than anything doing everything they know how to do (within their own abilities) to give them all that they need. Is it decietful. Yes, in a way it is. Can I live with it? Yep. Hell, we lied to them about Santa and the Easter Bunny.....
I do understand you point and your position. It took me abot 10 months to come to a place where I no longer "needed" him to take ownership (ie blame) of this mess. The last thing (IMO) our D's need is to see their Dad as a bad guy. He isn't. I can't remember if I ever posted this to you, but I finally realized that as devistated and hurt as I feel for his wanting out....that's how he feels to stay. Yet he does. I know it's for his D's. That's ok, I ask nothing for me. I'm capable of providing the emotional stuff for myself. And yes, it is the hardest thing I've ever done. To look at this man that I love deeply and am still attracted to physically and not be able to touch him (either physically or emotionally). This is Hell. Can I forgive him? I already have. Can I forgive myself? Now there's the rub.....(Yes, I'm working on it).
You'll do what's right for you now and if it changes later, you'll update what you're doing. Have faith. You have the strength. I can hear it even through your pain.
