You didn't confuse me. Without placing any blame, MC has pointed out more than once that I am doing all of the things a person does when they want to fix their M. She has praised me for looking internally to fix problems I have with me, and for being able to create a concrete picture of what I need/want in a marriage. Not just "being loved" but tangible things like "Hug me, say you love me, hold my hand, etc" So H can't say he doesn't know what I want from him. Each appt, she will comment on my progress, and then ask H, "So what is new with you?" And he always replies sheepishly that nothing has really changed re. our marriage, but he will make changes like getting a new job. So he is making progress, just not in our M. I don't know what hurts more, not having him here, or having him here NOT TRYING, so close but so far at the same time. I really think being separated will help shake him from his frozen position, but of course that small part of me is afraid that once we separate we will never be a family again. Although I have read a lot that for some marriages, separation is necessary to grow and then come back together changed for the better. That is probably true for us as we keep lapsing into the same arguments over his inability to put forth effort to make me a priority, etc. If we stay together as-is, it will not end well. It could end our M permanently. But again, how do I proceed now? The 180 being happy around him again like I was last month? I did the happy independent thing, and then he went from "It's over" to "I want to work on it". But once he said that, not much changed. Then I reverted back to crabby me b/c nothing changed. So do I go back to happy me again? B/C other than my M, things are pretty good. Foot hurts, but I am going on a job interview soon, and moving home to be where my family (and his) lives. At the same time, I don't want to give the impression that I am happy he is gone. Do I do the LRT so he sees that a separation is a big thing that will change our dynamic? What should I do???? I suck at the tough love thing but am willing to give it a try....
