I forgot to ask my question, What comes next? I know I should probably post on the "Separated" thread soon, but we aren't yet, we just agreed that is the logical next step since H can't/won't make any gestures toward me. Actually, the way the MC left it was this, "Bobbi, if you really want the job back home, interview for it. When/if you get it, just tell Dan 'I got the job and am moving back home'. If he wants you to move in with him, he will have to say so". So even though she guided us through the process of realizing we should separate, her last real comment about it implied that maybe after a few weeks on his own, he would come around?? And she said it in front of him? Like the decision wasn't final until I actually moved to Iowa and got my own apartment/house. So I don't know if I should be DB-ing right now. Do I want to save my marriage--YES!!! Do I want to be with my husband--YES! Do I want it to keep going like it is? NO! So I wonder if we NEED a break for the dust to settle. Or, since I have been the list-making fix-it girl, should I just do a 180 (I did one before but reverted once I knew he was moving to Iowa and wanted us to come too, I got more demanding again and he backpedaled again). Anyway should I do a 180 and be low-key, happy, upbeat around H while he is still here, and then over the phone or whatever once he moves? I am not sure b/c my individual C said he needs to really FEEL the consequences of his inability to make our M a priority. SO should I do the LAST RESORT thing? Be businesslike, talk only about the kids, the house we are getting ready to sell, etc?
I don't know which approach is right. He is usually attracted to me when I am happy/upbeat/non-pressuring. But I am pi$$ed off and devastated that after 16 years he can't make me a priority. So I want him to know what it will be like to truly not have me around anymore. Or should I start with the 180/good mood/PMA while he is here, but once he moves out, go with TLR??? Advice, please. I do not want the marriage as-is but I DO want the marriage. So I want to handle this phase right....
