Ms L please realize that this to shall pass. All you can do right now is detach. I know that sounds easy but its not. I have really tried to wrap my brain around what to do in my own sich and all I can thing of is thinking of your S as a old friend you used to be close to but you just found out they have a head injury. You were told that this injury will make them do and say funny things, and they won’t realize it no matter what. Only time will bring them out of it if ever.
When you S does something that hurts you or seems really unfair you have to be patient because “ o crap there’s that damn brain thing again.” This can get wearing so after a while you will seek to lessen the amount of time you spend with this friend. They will say things that make no sense and have no reason but to hurt you it seems. But you have to realize they are not the person you know right now. So you forgive them and hope for the best.
Its hard because here’s this old friend who looks and smells and feels like someone you knew but they are not acting in any way like they should. But they may come back. This is why you try to seek them out.
I have talked to a friend of mine when was said that he thinks that even thou my wife and I dated for 5 and a half years prior, he thinks from observations he made that she felt pressured to be married and did it to make her parents happy. When I didn’t become what she envisioned as a perfect husband after our M she grew disillusioned with being married. She just turned 28 and found a group of 24-26 year old friends who are still single at work. One is 26 and just got divorced. These women are in no way good to be around for a W who is unsure about her M. they are biased and a little selfish with my W’s time, which would be fine if they weren’t the SOLE advisers she listens to right now. So in a way I feel my wife is having a mid life crises. She is unhappy about her sich in life and I am the only person to blame.
Just like you are the only person for you H to blame. Does this make any sense…NO. As soon as either of our S found they were unhappy they should have tried to talk to us, and maybe in there own way they did. But do to their “injury” they were unable to communicate it in a way that we could receive.
I admit I have faults and I am working on them every day. That and I am working on wakening up and thinking of my “ old friend” without crying or waves of hopelessness washing over me. All you can do right now is make yourself better. This serves 2 purposes
1. in the best case they are intrigued and want to come back 2. in the worst case you will be stronger if they don’t This is not easy to do. You want them to reach out to you. But realize that nothing you can say or do will affect your old friend if they don’t want it to. I look at pics of my wife and die on the inside, because my old friend doesn’t exist any more. So I will pray for you and I hope you pray for me that both of or friends come back. Because we both miss them very very much.
