Originally Posted By: appleroad Please enlighten me as to how to make this happen...
... he is completely opposed to any sort of counseling and will not discuss this with me. He physically pushes me away if I make any sort of sexual advance and stonewalls me in conversations. [/quote
... When you feel you've waited long enough you could consider making couples therapy with a credentialled sex therapist a condition for the ongoing relationship.
I should have mentioned how I managed this problem myself. I didn't go the sex therapist route, and frankly, I think most men would rather have some important body parts cut off them than to attend any kind of 'therapy'. I think most men would rather negotiate with their wives.
We were separated when we did the negotiation, and it was part of the overall reconciliation agreement, so that made it easier than in your situation. In other words, H knew from the get-go that any relationship with me had to include a sexual relationship. I knew he didn't have 'the feelings', but it was all accomplished much easier than what I could ever have imagined! And once the pump was primed it never stopped.
I think the ticket is 'negotiation', not discussion or conversation. And scheduling. Like, 'not now, and not only when the mood strikes (because it never will, trust me!) but every Friday at 2pm, we'll get together for the afternoon. I'll start by giving you a nice massage and we'll see where we end up.'
