Fish - Piecing

[houndfan]

Fish - this will continue on the email that I had sent you so that others can see what I am trying to communicate.

In regards to "being the man" - being the man has different connotations for all people. Keep my sitch in mind - I thought that being the man was the media created role. The reality is the man is someone whom provides for his wife and children, whom creates a space of safety and support, whom can demonstrate great strength and great compassion without effort or remorse, whom loves without fear.

Being a man has nothing to do with control, direction, or manipulation. Maybe Dom will drop in on this thread and offer more on this, but I think that many of the men in this forum are guilty of the same offense and that is following this stylizied version of manhood. What has that gotten us all??? Seperation potential divorce pain...

So what is being a man in your sitch based on your comments above? First show great strength and compassion but hearing what she is saying! This is greatly different than listening... you need to hear her cues both direct and indirect. And then you act upon them. She wants you to show strength and compassion. Strength in letting this process matriculate naturally and not forcing the progress. Compassion in understanding that your entire family is undergoing stressful change and flux and being able to support and navigate the stress and support the unit.

Next providing for your wife and children is so much more than financial provision! It is providing social, spiritual, and emotional support. In your case she is telling you indirectly that she has some issues that she is trying to understand in her life and she is confused as to how you and your marriage fit. So how do you provide? You pick up the loose ends and do not allow her to feel guilt that you have created. You provide an environment for her growth which will create internal growth in your heart. Remember that I was dealing with similar issues including OM. So, I provided for my kids by creating normalcy and did not throw it back in her face like we are all apt to do and you have done! I created a situation where I provided security for her without telling her by supporting her need for self discovery. Finally I provided for all of us by facing my own demons and fighting them head on!

Create a space for her which is completely safe and supportive! You can only do this by following what all of us have told you! Don't push pressure or manipulate anything right now. Be available to her, but don't pursue. Support her concerns and success equally and without blame or guilt!

I get so pissed when I hear people tell me that being a man is this media created person who controls everything. That is far from manhood! UGH - sorry for the rant but you struck a cord for me on this one.

You know what to do... the key is to do it!