... this has to be something he wants to do and he HAS to do it. You can't force someone to man-up. It has to come from within. This has been struggle in our M. How do you coax/cojule/demand/force someone to man up. I don't believe it's possible. Please enlighten me as to how to make this happen...
I think about solutions, I try them, they don't work, I get frustrated, feel like I deserve so much more (because I do, in terms of sex) and debate leaving my marriage.
... he is completely opposed to any sort of counseling and will not discuss this with me. He physically pushes me away if I make any sort of sexual advance and stonewalls me in conversations. I'm back at wanting to throw in the towel and just remains friends...yuck.
You can't make him 'man-up'. But you can show him there will be consequences if he does not. He is not the only actor in this drama. I think he's having it too much his way, ediemarie. You get to have some input into the conditions of your relationship. Probably what's stopping you from flexing your own muscle is fear of H leaving you, leaving the marriage. You dally over whether you can settle for being 'just friends'. I think what's stopping H is performance anxiety. The big question is, whose fear is the greatest? Your fear over losing the friendship and the marriage, or his fear of not being able to rise to the occasion? But also, how long is either one of you willing to wait? Maybe time alone will settle the issue without further intervention.
But it never hurts to have Plan B dusted off and ready to go. Having Plan B can settle you down while you are waiting. When you feel you've waited long enough you could consider making couples therapy with a credentialled sex therapist a condition for the ongoing relationship. Just a few ideas to further your thinking. Also, it wouldn't hurt to do some research into this sexual problem. I've found that some quality time spent with Google can really yield dividends.
