You can always say just the right thing to give me a little boost, thank you immensely for that.
I am glad you were there for your W when her friend passed away. She needed that even though she pulled away from the hug. We are doing things right by backing off and giving them the time and space they need.
We will both have good weekends and will enjoy our kids. Continue to do for you and she will come to a decision at some point and regardless of what it is you will be the ebst person you can be as a result of all you are doing for you now.
Both 35 T 19/M 15 years S8/D5 It's over bomb/ILYBNILWY 12-22-07
How did your weekend go? Mine was pretty good actually.
I saw a very good baby step from H as HE hugged me and smiled in the old fashioned H style that only I would get and understand. He seems to be softening so much but still isn't ready to come home. I believe his guilt and shame are stopping him now more than anything else. While yes I do believe he loves this freedom I also know he realizes what wrong he has done by walking out and simply can't face it or own up to it yet.
Hope things went well for you.
Both 35 T 19/M 15 years S8/D5 It's over bomb/ILYBNILWY 12-22-07
I am glad to hear that I can give you a little "boost". I am happy to help out any way that I can. I know how difficult things have been for you, but I also know that if you just stay strong and hang in there that you will eventually have your M restored.
As for me, I have to admit that I have come to just hate weekends! LOL. It was always our family time. We were always doing things as an entire family and now, more often than not, I find myself alone on at least one of the weekend days. I know everyone says that it is an opportunity to work on myself, but I have been doing that. I have made some pretty major changes in my life and in my behavior.
I pray every day for the strength to get through the day and for God to touch my W's heart. I have decided that I will be here for as long as it takes her to come back. I am supportive and loving but from a distance. I rarely call her, I try to make my schedule work around hers so that she can see the kids as much as possible and I pray.
Sunday was tough. I saw her at church and she treated me like I was invisible. She made a point to greet and hug people around me and not even make eye contact with me. Ugh! I didn't react I just left after the service. I could tell it would only get more painful if I stayed around for the fellowship afterwards. I later asked her if I had upset her and she said "No, why?" At which point I realized that explaining it to her was pointless so I just dropped it.
I went back to the church after she left with the kids and got to speak with our pastor. He is very supportive of our family and has been awesome with the time he has made for me. We talked and he prayed with me and I felt much better. I just have to continue to love her and be patient. God is at work and he will reveal things in his time.
We have a MC session coming up soon. I plan on talking less this time and letting her talk more. At this point, this sitch is all about her. I will just tell her that I have come to a decision and that is that my love for her is unconditional and that I will be here when she is ready to come home.
So I am hanging on and hanging in. This isn't easy in any way shape or form. But you know, I have never had anything in my life that I was willing to fight this hard for. I am determined and with some help from above, I am planning on winning this fight.
I pray that things continue to progress for you too Heather. I know that it continues to hurt and that it is difficult to be patient, but God is working on your H too. He will open his eyes to what he is missing soon and you need to be there for him with love and forgiveness. Keep loving him from a distance and let God help him find his way.
Take care,
-Bryan
Me-45 W-34 T-5 M-3 1/2 s-10 s-12 ILYBNILWY 12/26/07 Sleeping away from home at friend's house(because she says she can't get any sleep otherwise) 1/14/08 1/25/08 We tell kids she is moving out
Glad to see that you have such a positive attitude. I've been at this DBing for awhile and it gives me strength to see that attitude and your love for God. I can certainly understand the invisible thing, but I too believe that God is working on our spouses. I find it it difficult at times, but realize that it is all in his hands.
Posts Role Reversal(original) WAW now LBS part I & II WAW now LBS part III(current) T: 9 yrs M: 8 yrs WAW: Sep 06-Jul 07 LBS: Sep 07-pres.
I can imagine how painful being at church is for you when she acts as if you aren't even there. Continue your talks with the pastor as they seem to be helping you. I wish you all the best and know that you have it within you to continue to be strong and patient. Oh yes, it is the hardest thing we have ever had yo do but the potential payoff is so worth it.
I have had a few people tell me I am nuts to wait for H and how I should 'screw' him legally and all this other BS but you know what...they don't have the 19 year history with him that I do and I am the one that knows how hurt he must be in his mind and heart to have done what he did. I am surrounding myself with a choice few friends and family that support my stand for marriage restoration regardless of the time frame. All others I simply don't talk to about my M/R. You should do the same. Surround yourself with those that truly understand and can be 100% supportive.
Have a good week and yes, continue to use your FREE time on the weekends to improve you and do for you. I know how tough it is trust me as weekends are meant for family time for most families in the country. It will get easier in time I know.
Heather
Both 35 T 19/M 15 years S8/D5 It's over bomb/ILYBNILWY 12-22-07
I haven't read this thread before as I have been following another but it is good to get some inspiration about backing off from the WAS who is with OW - I have been a very active snooper and pursuer and I know so much I have to back off but I have had a lot of trouble with my strength and willpower to do so.
Me: 39, H: 37 Married 12 yrs EA 01/07, bomb 07/07. He moved out 09/07. Lived alone for some time, moved in with OW in 2009, moved out again Mar 2010 S:8 D:11
All you will do with snooping is find information that is useless to you. If your purpose right now is to save your marriage then the information you find from snooping won't be any good because you won't be able to question H about it or he will run and insist you are no good and controlling etc.... So really by finding this info. out from snooping you will only drive yourslf crazy thinking about it all day and wondering what it all means and also run the risk of some of it slipping out to him. STOP!!!! I know tough thing to do but we have to learn to not do it.
Both 35 T 19/M 15 years S8/D5 It's over bomb/ILYBNILWY 12-22-07
Thank you for your concern. I am fine. I am still working on things with my W. I am trying to love her from a distance and be supportive. I have also found comfort in prayer and reconnecting with God and my church. I know that things will be okay if I give my pain and troubles over to God. I am learning to trust him and getting a little stronger each day.
I also realize that this is going to take time. I find that if I get on here every day I get very impatient. I occupy myself with my kids on the days I have them and with my work when I don't. That way I don't have too much time to dwell on my sitch.
I have decided to stand for my W and my M. I am committed to her and our R. I will do it for as long as it takes. Nothing worth having comes easy and my W and kids are the best thing that ever happened to me. I know it won't be easy and that there will be more crying before there is laughter, but I am focusing on the prize. I have my blinders on and will let all the other drama fall by the wayside. I know with the help of God I will have my M restored. It is in his hands and I will continue to pray for my W and that she will find comfort in God as well.
I know I sound like a bit of a zealot, but I really believe that this is what I need to do for me, my sons, AND my wife.
Now aren't you glad you asked....LOL
Keep up the amazing things you are doing Heather. I know you can do this too! Things will work out. Just be patient and do this one day at a time. There is nothing we can do about yesterday or tomorrow, just get through this day and then do it all over again tomorrow.
Hang in there...
-Bryan
Me-45 W-34 T-5 M-3 1/2 s-10 s-12 ILYBNILWY 12/26/07 Sleeping away from home at friend's house(because she says she can't get any sleep otherwise) 1/14/08 1/25/08 We tell kids she is moving out
Glad to hear you're doing well. Just wanted to check in with you. I understand about staying away from here sometimes just to work on yourself more.
Keep us updated as things change in your R and the progress you make.
Isn't it nice to know that God always hears us even when our spouses don't and that he is working in his way to restore our marriages. We have to give it all to him and let him see things through in the way he has them planned and know that we will be fine regardless of how it ends.
Both 35 T 19/M 15 years S8/D5 It's over bomb/ILYBNILWY 12-22-07
