Yes I do want him back. I miss him and I love him. BUT this was not a really good relationship in the end. I felt bad more than I felt good. I was unhappy more days than I felt happy. And he probably feels the same way. Which is probaby why he never contacts me. He is just doing a better job of getting over the hurt than I am. (This is just an assumption)
Honestly I am crazy about him but he was not a nice person and I really didn't like his creepy family. I wanted someone to be married to not a roomate. I paid half of all household bills but I wasn't allowed to change anything in the house. I wanted to nest and build a home together. You know plant flowers, work in the yard, have pictures taken to hang on the wall, combine things and make them ours. I think I got the most hurt when I told him this and he said "This was not his home. This was just a place where he lived and kept his stuff. Just a house. His home was with his father in XXX." Kinda made me realize that we would never be the way I thought it would be.
I think I need to realize that I can love someone but not be with them. I just hurt more when I think about all the fun he is having and how much "he hates me".
I just don't know how to move forward. I feel stuck here in limbo land always with that little bit of hope.
