Update to my sitch, the end has come

[mako_man]

FIB,

Yup. Thats what I am waiting for. There are many times recently when I finally lie my head down to sleep and think "I really am done and for good this time". At that moment I feel it and I wont lie to you, its a feeling if GREAT relief, not a feeling of sadness. However, I wake up and that feeling is gone, replaced with that ball of stress and anxiety that sits firmly in your gut, questioning my decisions, and my motives. I am told at one point that feeling WILL remain and be sustained, but its a natural progression, it just happens and everyone is different, so for me I obviously hold those attachments longer than some. But its not a selfish attachment, it is a feeling that I am simply honoring the vows I have taken, honoring God, honoring myself and my woman. Keeping a promise, under incredibly difficult circumstances, it just feels normal to me even if to outsiders it doesnt LOOK normal. I dont want to sound conceited and say "she is nothing without me" and that she cannot exist on her own, but I can assure you she doesnt have the tools that most other adults have, or she may have the tools but she doesnt have the will to walk a path of peace. She also has so many psychological barriers, and conciously created barriers to navigate on her own, I know she depends on me but I still maintain that the MOST important thing I can do is be there for my children, and its becoming apparent that I will always have to do that one on my own, so be it, I certainly will NEVER abandon them.