Update to my sitch, the end has come

[mako_man]

One of the real tough parts of this is my job, I have been working for the last 3 years as a stay at home support engineer for the last 3 years. I have been with the company for 12. Working from home has been tough because it gives me too much time to think, but hey, it is what it is. For the past month things have been super hectic with the kids, soccer for both older daughters Mon and Thurs nights, and saturday. I also have to get my 3 yr old to and from daycare each day. Tues is counseling sessions for daughters and myself. Friday is family fun night, last Friday my oldest had 3 of her friends over for a sleep over (I wont be doing that again any time soon!). I have not been able to get to the gym in 2 weeks, and remember I moved down here for the wife so I have no support system here outside of a few friends. The weather is turning nice though, maybe on weekends I can get my little boat cranked up and take the girls fishing like we used to do each weekend last summer. All of this leaves little time to and for myself but again, it is what it is and there is no use complaining because I definitely see an improvement in my daughters behavior since their mommy entered rehab, they are like me "at least mommy is safe". I will take that. Right now I am just trying to keep it all together and put some weight back on, lost 35+ lbs in last 8 months and cant really figure it out, eating habits have not changed drastically although I did start smoking again, and a pack/day at that. Lots of bad dreams too, almost every night, cold sweats and all that. My C says this will pass, it cant come soon enough.

Jaw, thanks for the kind words. You're right, life isnt "fair" by any stretch and no amount of Marine Corps training, personal diligence, or common sense could have prepared me for all of this but I thank God for my children for it truly does give me a purpose to move forward, without them it would have been so easy to have given up long ago (or turn to a bottle or needle myself).