T2: I was just wondering about you as well the other day. I figured that things must have improved or you would be here as well. Thanks.
OK: Response.
Dom: For a long time, I DID think about the "Now" and then a flying piece of metal would come out of the air, and hit me in the head, such as my D17 telling me, unsolicited: "You know, Mom's plan is to get a divorce when you come home, and you have to be all right with that." So when I DON’T think about the future and do some modicum of “Projective emotional planning”, I emotionally take it in the neck every time. (Like the “projective emotional planning? I just made it up, but it DOES sound great, doesn’t it? In Iraq speak: “It briefs well”)
I get the "present" of the "Present", but when I don't project into the future and plan for what I BELIEVE will be the inevitable, it comes back to eat me alive. For me, it’s “detachment survival skill”, imagining myself being divorced and living in an apartment somewhere, and what it will be like not being with my kids every day.
Now, if it doesn’t happen, so much the better. Really, I like most people have emotional “rooms”, which often don’t interconnect. My emotions here are totally in check, all the time. My emotional devastation about my FAMILY, ALTERED, RECONSTITUTED, 1 EACH” is in another room that doesn’t have a door to the emotional room here. Yes, I am a Soldier, and a good one at that, but my focus here is not in the same room as sleeping alone, scheduling time with my kids, and being alone on holidays. In other words, my emotions here are not transferred to there. Did I make any sense? Over?
Mattie, you have a great point about being EEYORE around my kids. I USED to do that a lot, and I’m sure it got them down as well. No more. I talk to them and never mention it. Never ask about “MOM” or how things are at home with “MOM”. I only encourage them and congratulate them on their individual achievements.
AG: Combination rant/advice seeking. I was testing the waters to see if my feelings about not wanting to pull down the Christmas ornaments (like the one from my mom 6 months before she died: Your First Christmas together, the popsicle reindeer, the construction paper Santa) and not wanting to “pretend to be any semblance of a family” FOR THE KIDS, was “normal” or was I just being selfish. It’s tough to tell. I look at it this way: If she wanted a family, don’t try and make me feel guilty, because I won’t participate.
I appreciate all of your input and advice, but especially women, because I guess I am the original inhabitant of “Mars”. OK, all have a great day. Back to the Cradle of Civilization!
I really do thank all of you for "Magically appearing" every time I log on!
