Morning guys. \:\)

Yes you understand very correctly. He likes breasts but he likes them almost gone. A or B is perfect for him, you have to be young in your twenties, and small build with long straight hair, preferably brown. Ok I am 5'7", short blond hair, with a normal body of 135. I look nothing like these women. And I have a few of his "photos" when I moved out. Skanky girls.

And he would seriously make comments about them being too big and it was ugly to him. But what can you do?? Can't make them go away. And a few close friends have mention the closet thing but I think his obsession stems from something bad that happened to him when he was a young child. Not sure but it is just a theory.

The good things he did in the beginning were really nice. He would email me during work with silly stuff and jokes, we would often go to lunch together and walk around campus. He would do things like hold my hand, and cuddle with me on the couch. He would play video games with me and he paid attention if I ever said I liked something he remembered and often it would show up as a gift on a holiday. He would kiss me. My gosh how wild is that. He got to the point he would not kiss me. He would turn his cheek. At one point if was about 5 months before I got a relly good kiss.

But 2 years ago with the job change he started working with a new group of people. In his old job he was locked into a room with just 4 people and didn't get out much on campus. (He was IT help desk for the univ.) Slowly it became this group is going to lunch, this group is going to lunch and he had no time for me. He said it was "his time to socialize". Then this group or that group wants to go have beer after work and play some pool, then this one wants to go to a strip club or out clubbing. So add that into the couple times a week he was doing stuff for his other friends like "changing a light bulb". Honestly he would change lightbulbs and oil screen door for one of his friends. He always thought his friends were so stupid and he was so smart.

Which I did the bad thing. I became jealous of them. I was always the last person on his totem pole. His family was first, his friends second, his work third and then me. He actually told me a few times that I was not first because those things would always be there if I was ever gone. So I would engage him in activities with me and step daughter but you could tell he didn't want to be with us. He hated which in turn made me and daughter miserable.

And my daughter absolutely can't stand him. She is so glad we are not together anymore. She said if we were still together that when she was 16 she was going to live with her grandmother. That's how much she hated him. He was hardly ever nice and constantly picked picked picked. And I was a horrible mom because I actually let this happen to my child. I have a really good kid and I let him be mean. But I realized this is the way he was raised and the only example he had to go by so I letgo a bunch of times. But he wanted it his way and I tried many many times and told him parenting is not your way or my way...it is our way. We blend our views together and find what is best for the family and the child. I wanted a child with him and he said no way would he ever have kids with me because we couldn't agree on parenting. That hurt.

I thought I was doing a good thing when about a year and a half ago I laid it on the line and said these 3 things would make me very happy in our relationship. If you could work on these 3 it would do wonders for me and us.
1. Take me to lunch just twice a month. It is like a date. I enjoy the time alone with you, we dont't have to go anywhere just grab a sandwhich and walk around campus and feed the ducks.
2. Wear your wedding ring. It is very very important to me to know that you are proud of your marriage and me.
3. Tell me you love me once a day. I don't care if it is passing or at the end of an email. I need to hear you say you love me instead of some mumbled comment.

Ok he would not and could not do all 3 he said. Hence the breakdown even further in our marriage.

I am at a loss right now. I have no clue IF I should do anything or WHAT I should do. I am not perfect by no means but I still dont't deserve this. Maybe I did ask too much of him. Maybe I should not have laid what would make me happy out for him. I thought if he knew specifically then there would be no guessing on how to make me happy. I really screwed this up big time. I feel aweful and I miss him but he really wasn't that good of a man.