I have always been very close to the boys, always worked around them, H was close but the boys and I also worked around him, so I guess we functioned as a family.
With H out of the picture, we are still functioning, life doesn't seem much different from that aspect. H's job, shifts, long hours, time away, was a let down for family life, but we involved him when he was around and had fab hols, we felt he was a part of the family.
Now that he is totally out of the picture and our life is pretty much unchanged I wonder how much H did actually fit in. When sons were babies and young children he would dash home and spend loads of time playing with them, it would appear that as they have got older he had distanced himself, he didn't get involved with their activities, mainly outdoor. I think the invention of the lap top and internet access, even in the garden, killed his relationship with them. During the last year before H left he would come home and go straight to the lap top, or be sat txting, it was so annoying, it was constant, the lads could not engage him in activities or conversation, I annoyed him if I interupted or complained, it became a relief when he was out. I had to ask him if he was looking forward to our skiing hol Christmas 2005, cause I just couldn't suss him out, of course he reassured me that he was just tired and apologised, he bucked up, he must have realised that he wasn't invloved in the holiday prep. This was short lived, the bomb, just 2 wks later. my instincts were spot on. I think H worked on distancing himself, but two years ago it seemed that he just stopped caring, I think this is becuase we just compensated for his declining involvment in family life, I had done it in the past when he had to work away for long spells, but H made up for the time away when he'd get home, this time was different, he was physically present but absent in mind & soul.
H lost his membership card for the family club, and hasn't looked for it, instead he joined another club, a club with no rules or constraints.An exclusive club that doesn't allow membership for spouses or offspring.
Our D is nearly final, H has not disclosed most of documents required of him, mine are all placed in court, yet he hasn't even offered his, it would seem that he doesn't follow anybodies rules, not even court rules. I'm not sure if this will turn out to his advantage, I've read that penalties are rarely enforced in the uk. Up tp now his followers are with him, although I feel they are beginning to see through the cracks. My L said his L is frustrated, my L has offered his L info that he had withheld, my L said his was professionally embarrassed.
I do not know a way forward with H's relationship with lads, it is beyond me, he seems a closed shop, I'm pleased for you and your son, starting afresh and getting on with it seems to be the only way forward, it would appear that your move out came at a good time- house price slump, what a bonus, your H asked for that one, I really do believe in fate.
