Still sad but movin' on

[MonicaP]

Hi Alamogirl,

Thanks for checking in. I get so caught up in life and I'm usually so exhausted by the end of the day I don't check my computer. But here I am.

Still nothing from STBXH. Actually, I was going to bring up the issue with him a couple of weeks ago when he told me he lost his job (lay off at the company). Fortunately he already started a new job this week, but the timing just hasn't been right to bring it up yet. I think within the next 2 weeks I'll have a chance. I'm resigned to it.

I can relate to your last post and the post from JMC (sorry if I got the name wrong). I definitely realize that my fantasy about having ex come back is just a fantasy. I live my life in the now and that means I am a single, working mom in the midst of a divorce. I work at co-parenting and somehow we have managed to find a good balance in that respect. We both can agree that our S5 is the priority - and that's all we have left of our relationship. I don't involve myself in any other aspect of his life. I don't ask questions and when he volunteers info (and he does at times) I just nod and smile. To be honest I just don't want to know what he's doing, thinking or feeling. I guess it just reminds me that he's leading a new life with Ow now and all his experiences involve her. It still hurts when I let my mind go there so I try not to.

I have gone out several times in the last months for "girls' night". A group of us meets for dinner and then dancing. I am open to dating but just haven't met anyone yet. I've never been the kind of person to date more than 1 person at a time so I'm pretty picky about who I go out with. Honestly I don't have time to go out with anyone I know I'm not really interested in. Anyway, I totally believe that when the time is right someone will appear. Right now I wouldn't want anything serious anyway. I feel like my divorce needs to be final before I have the right to open myself to a serious relationship.

At least I'm thinking about it as a possibility. It's still hard to imagine myself falling love with anyone but my H, it just doesn't seem right. But I've got to accept reality. He's still going strong (I guess) w/ Ow and shows no sign of missing me at all.

I just keep praying that I will be able to truly let go of him - from my heart - so that I can move on emotionally. It's been more than 2 years since our S and I still have moments where I just can't believe this has all happened. It's totally crazy! Our marriage seemed so sacred to both of us, guess not.

Life goes on and I am happy most days, my S5 is the true love of my life, my job is good and keeps me busy, I have good friends, I'm gearing up to look for a house, and I'm losing some weight
:-)

I hope all is well with you. I will try to check in more often.

Take care,