I just want to make it better. . .

[seekpeaceofmind]

How did his x wifes behave when they split up?

It might seem weird to others, but we didn't talk a lot about the past. I wasn't interested in discussing mine, so I didn't ask much about his. Something to change in any future R, I guess - maybe even in this one if I get a second chance.

Anyway, first x was mother of two sons. That was a difficult sitch. His story is that she equated access to sons with financial contributions and I saw some of this first hand. She is from Europe and returned there when sons were very young and that made it very difficult for H to have a relationship with sons, even in terms of language, not to mention the expense of traveling overseas for visitation. His family seemed to have sided with xw to some extent - to maintain their access to sons. She was friend of H's sister to begin with. H is very bitter about the whole thing and so we avoid talking about it. I have had some email and phone exchange with her over the years, but really not much. Maybe 5 - 10 times.

Second x - his story on her was that she had mental health issues with violent tendencies. That was enough to make me avoid anything to do with her. His family hated her. She is 10 years older than him. My interpretation of this M was that my H - really a nice guy in my opinion - was in full "rescue" mode, but soured on it. He said that she blamed him for everything that was going wrong -the weather, whatever. Now, I sometimes wonder what her side of the story is.

One thing I didn't really "get" until an MC session is that his history is to go from one R to the next. When 1st M broke up, W2 was in picture even though they didn't get M for a number of years after. Then, I was in his life when 2nd M ended - and that process apparently wasn't as far along as I thought it was at the time. This is part of the reason why it is so hard for me to believe that he doesn't have another woman in his life now. In some ways, if he is really taking time now to spend some time on his own, I can see that as a healthy thing for him to do.