Thanks Hopeforfuture, Sara, Heartbroken and Ediemarie, for contributing your personal experiences here - it is all so very encouraging.
My W and I attended a Catholic Engagement Encounter weekend over 20 years ago which spanned a similar Friday-night-to-Sunday-afternoon format as Retrouvaille.
At Thanksgiving this year when I was visiting my father's house in Florida, I was looking through photos and papers in my old dresser drawers, and I was surprised to come across the two spiral-bound notebooks in which my wife and I wrote our responses to the Engagement Encounter discussion questions. Our handwritten name tags were still adhered to the cardboard notebook covers.
We had each written responses to each other's writings, and there were so many complementary expressions of love and admiration of each other's qualities, that I was stunned...
I spoke outloud: "Why?!"
Why - did we not take these with us in our move to New England 20 years ago?
Why - did we not value these written communications to each other enough to pack them with mundane belongings that we did move with us?
Why - did we not choose to revisit these lines of written expression over the years to stay in contact with the understandings we had forged?
I suppose I felt that there was no doubt that my soulmate and I would be living happily ever after, and that these were just the beginning of many love-affirming lines we would be writing to each other. (which was true for 19 years)
If I could participate in Retrouvaille this April, even if my W ends up choosing a divorce, I believe I would be at more peace knowing that I did try to reach out in improving in communication and expressing my feelings to the love of my life.
And I would have two bookends: Engagement Encounter 1987 to Retrouvaille 2008 - writings with 20 years of life experiences held between the notebooks.
LG
Me 46 WAW 45 M 21 yrs
WAW: "I need to be alone" 12/06 W moves out 3/07 Mediation finalized 08/08
