I would suggest mentioning it to your H or even asking if it would bother him. If you don't, your secrecy runs the risk of making it look like something was/is going on. Your H's perceptions and feelings are the most important part of this as far as DBing goes. However, if you keep things fairly transparent and make sure your H is okay with it...I can't see an issue.
Personally, I don't see it as being a problem if handled right. I have a lot of male co-workers and platonic friends, so I find it perfectly normal. I know other people are much more conservative about opposite-sex friendships though.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Yeah, I never thought of keeping it a secret from him. I just feel like if I say "Would it bother you if I went to friend's house this weekend?" He would say...why would I care? But not in a go and have fun way, in a way that he REALLY is indifferent to what I do. Which I guess doesn't matter. I never did see a problem with opposite sex friendships...when there is secrecy is when it is a problem.
In other news....here is an update on the missing iPod. My mother had called the lady that owns the business to tell her that it was missing and the only person who had been in the house was whoever cleaned it. Well, the lady called my mother back yesterday and said she had a few other people call and complain about missing items. The same girl had been in all those houses. She had only worked for the lady for 8 days. So the owner wants us, along with the other people, to press charges. She says that if we do that then her insurance will pay for our stolen items. Anyway, we'll see how that goes.
Whether or not he pretends to be indifferent, his actions in moving and saying he wants to reconcile say differently.
Perhaps you could do it more in a way that is like "hey, I'm gonna go see __ this weekend. I'll be back later on Sunday if you want to do something."???
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
I know his moving here says a lot. It definitely says a lot about his R with OW. I really wish he would change his phone number since it is still long distance...and then not give it to OW...maybe with time.
You are right, I think that way is a better way to approach it. I will probably see him tomorrow night so that is when I will tell him.
I went out to dinner with some friends tonight. I didn't call H today. I wanted to see how his day went and ask if they called about the other job...but I figure if they did he would have called me.
I did do our taxes tonight. I took your suggestion Michelle and it was free and pretty easy. I know H will be glad to know he is getting money back. I did tell him I would help him with his car payment and rent until he gets on his feet. I don't know if that was correct DB'ing or not, but I can't stand to see him struggle. Plus the car is in both of our names and I don't want my credit ruined. If worse comes to worse he may have to sell it. Not sure if I have mentioned this on this thread or not, but we still have a house in TX. It has been on the market since September and I am getting frustrated with it. We have talked about renting it out, but I kind of want to hold out as long as I can on that. Anyway, hopefully everything will work out with it.
Luckily I didn't have to depend on H to get me his info. I just had to go to mypay and get his W2. Otherwise I probably would have been chasing him down.
Well, we have talked about getting a rental agency to help us. That way we wouldn't have to worry with as much. It would definitely be a headache though since we aren't there...but maybe not as much of a headache as paying that mortgage every month.
I'm still trying to hold off on calling H. I really want to call him, but I don't need to. He needs to experience really being alone. I need to let him miss me.
Well, I made it through the night without calling H. I will call him today to see if he wants to watch Lost tonight. I wish he would call me, but I don't see that happening. He won't turn me down...he just won't make the effort. I will wait until later tonight to call though rather than calling right after work like I usually do.
I went to H's tonight. He seemed to be in a better mood about the job. He called about the other job and they told him to call back Monday to schedule another interview. They want him to interview with the district manager and he has been off this week so that is why they haven't called. Hopefully he will hear something about that next week.
Tonight H said..."I saw your car at ___ last night. Did you just go out for drinks?" I told him no, I just went to eat with some friends. I find this kind of funny. He knows where I hang out and he would have no reason to really go by there PLUS my car was kind of parked back in the corner so you would have had to have been in the parking lot to have seen it. ...Looks like he was snooping a little himself.
I told him that I was going to my friend's house this weekend. He looked at me kind of funny and then just told me to tell him hi. I probably shouldn't have but then I asked him if he would like to go. My friend and my H actually became pretty good friends and H had even thought about asking him to be in our wedding. So H asked where it was and looked like he was considering it. Then he just said he better not, he was going to try to work this weekend. I just said ok and didn't push the issue.
That was about it. I am not going out of town until Saturday and H and I are going to go out to eat tomorrow night. Hopefully it will go better than the last time.
