it is a hard call about whether to share it with her or not. I think it really comes to a question of what your goals are and how your actions in this instance will bring you closer to those goals. It appears that you have created an "either/or" situation but admitting it's existence. You will have to judge that. The most important principle that I ever got from DB/DR is the idea to always consider you goals, and always act in a manner which brings you closer to them, and avoid things the move you away.
My situation was that I hacked into email. I had many, many archived messages that I carefully saved after I was caught snooping and she was more careful to delete things she didn't want me to see. She learned of my archive and insisted on having it. She said if I didn't give it to her, she would leave and everything was completely over. In desperation, I capitulated and gave it to her. Notice who had the control in that situation?
When she discovered I was snooping, she too accused me of violating her trust. She said she didn't know if she would ever be able to trust me again, and I don't know if she does completely now. She seems to keep secrets, but I don't snoop now so I can't know. I think the snooping was the single most damaging thing to our relationship, and the betrayal of trust it provoked on both sides will be the thing that takes the longest to repair.
