Sorry to see you here, but glad you found this board. It has helped save many marriages, and it has saved many more people's peace of mind and sanity. You asked me on Kikidee's thread:
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So what ever happened? Are you still together? Does it really ever get better? <Get ready for the personal questions> Did you ever have sex with her again? How long did that take? Was it hard for you to be intimate with her again knowing she had been intimate with another man? Did you have a hard time getting past the thoughts of "I wonder if she did this with him" or "I wonder if he was better than me". Sorry if this dredges up old memories, just wondering if I have the strength to do this!!!!
Short answers are: I busted the divorce, we are still married, and yes, it does get better. I would have never busted the divorce, saved the marriage, or been able to have the peace of mind I have today without the help of friends on this board, and letting go of all I the things I thought were most important realizing how little control I have over anything but way I choose to handle the situations I encounter in life.
The answers to the "personal" questions are just that -- personal. Not that I have any reluctance to answer them, but they are personal to my situation and irrelevant to yours, though there may be similarities. All of this is personal and success depends upon your willingness to work on yourself and learn and understand that you have no control over anyone but yourself and your behavior.
Yes, sex returned, it took months and the help of a very good couples therapist. As far as anything about what she did with the OM, it's over, past, and history. She came back to me and our marriage. I don't live in the past, nor the future. I live and love now. If you live in the past, you will have nothing but regrets, and if you live in the future, you will live in fear. Stay present and focus on what you can do now. Always do your best and take care of yourself.
Stick around and listen and learn. I like your idea about Retrouville, but in its own time. Understand that you are in for the ride of your life, and it will take time. The Bomb for me was Dec 28, 2000. I am still working on it. I still struggle with control, with fear and with making it work. I think if I had worked half as hard as I have since the bomb for the years of my marriage before, I would not be here, and would know nothing of this board.
