OK Just going to do some journaling here, need to get somethings out of my mind and out there.
It's been two days now that I ended things with OM. I was doing great until last night when I hit a wall of emotion. It was like somebody just dumped something on me, like a wave rolling over you. I know that it's a process of grieving, even though its not my husband who is gone but somebody who was a very important part of my life for over half of it. To know that he would be there, even before the A, as a shoulder to cry on. I don't have that with him anymore, now I depend on my H for that. H of course does not know the whole story there but maybe in time. All that H knows is that I talked to OM on Tuesday night and told him that I could not talk to him anymore because it was not good for me and H. H knows that he was encouraging me to leave and H figured that it would only have been a matter of time before OM made his move. Well like I said H does not know the extent of the R that I had with OM. H is trying to encourage me to call my BF again and try and talk to her. But that I really don't think will be an option, there has been a lot of damage done to that fiendship and it would be alot of work. Yet again I only have time for one R at a time, I can't put effort in to rebuilding two R that are damaged. Before all of this H had talked to BF, they both work at the same place, to see if there was something that she could do to more or less drive something between OM and me. Funny thing when I told my C that she thought that was kind of funny that H would go out of his way to make contact with BF, instead of being there as a friend for me.
H and I had our first C appt yesterday afternoon. I don't know if I really like this guy or not. He did not give me the warm fuzzy feeling that I think that you should get from somebody in that profession. He talked to us each individually and then together, we were there for about an hour and a half. H and I have not had a chance to really talk since, H had to bowl last night and he is taking D to a hockey game tonight, so I won't see him until later on tonight again. I did have some time with him before he left for the hockey game but that was only about 15 mins. Long enough for him to get in the house take a shower and leave again. I do talk to him while he is in the shower, funny thing he knows when I do that there is something that is really bothering. But back to the C, one of the things that I brought up was that when ever we talk about a major issue H is always right. He will not look at things from another side, and that was what he told us to work on. Try seeing where the other person is coming from, and see how many times either of us thinks that we are right. Money came up but the C picked up on the fact that we don't talk about things, and is working on that with us first.
D is spending the night at a friends house friday night so I asked H what he wanted to do. He at first said, meet me at the bar after work. I would not have had a problem with that but I told him I don't want to show up and have him trashed. Then after I said that he suggested going to a movie, mind you I LOVE GOING TO THE MOVIES. He got movie gift certificates for me for christmas but the theater that he got them to never has any good movies playing. So I told him that we could go to see Definatly Maybe, or pay to see a different movie at a different theater. I think that we are heading to go see the new Larry the Cable guy movie. So we are planning a date night. Then on Saturday night we have a dinner for his racing, and Sunday we have a doubles bowling tournament that he is actually running for the union. So we have a full weekend a head of us.
That is all for now, thanks for coming by to read. I have to get to the laundry and picking up the house, something I normally do on Wednesday night, but I was a wreck, and got thing done. I will keep you all posted.
