WAW and I have been separated since 1.7.08. She filed for D on 11/21/07. At first court appearance 2.5.08 I was granted a two month continuance. Due back in court on 4.15.08.
The first six weeks of S were quite emotional. Many visits back and forth to her condo (I am in the house), many cell phone calls and emails. Two weeks ago she said in an email that she cares for me a great deal and still feels love for me. I sent a very emotional email to her saying that we should work on rebuilding a new relationship and I would never stop fighting for her our marriage and family. I know-a major backslide. Since then the frequency of contact has been diminished though we did have dinner together last Friday. During dinner she made a point of telling me that her friends have been asking her to go out to the bars with them. She also said that many nights she sits on her couch and drinks wine and flips through the channels on TV. She is not much of a drinker and that alarmed me. She even asked me at dinner "how are you doing"? I told her I was fine and quickly changed the subject. She even said "you are in a good mood tonight" (I was DB'ing my a** off).
I have been trying to limit my contact with her and she is doing the same. I really feel that the past two weeks have marked the start of the official S. The problem is I continue to think the worst-now she is moving on, she is realizing how much better off she is, how there is know way she would consider calling off the D etc. etc. I realize that 6 weeks is nothing in most S.
She has always been a dependent person. When we were dating and had the inevetible break up she would run to her old boyfriend for comfort. She admits to being needy which worries me-and has also been part of the problem with us-I am emotionally challenged and never could quite be the emoter she wanted. I periodcally send a neutral card because I think she needs to feel connected but I am concerned about pursuing and putting her under pressure.
I guess I am looking for some perspective on my situation. I am reminded to act "as If" (I keep my ring on as a show of commitment to the M-hers are off)and monitor to see what works.
The gravity of the situation is starting to be overwhelming and I am so sad and alone. I suppose it could be worse with no contact at all. Because of S sporting events we at least see each other on a weekly basis.
My insecurities of being the LBS are starting to get the best of me. Can anyone help?
M-47 WAW-48 M-22 T-26 S-17,19 Filed 11.21.07 S-1.7.08 EA since July of 07
