Be prepared for the fallout from her C appt. I wish she felt better than she does afterward.
W is REALLY down today - I had to take D to the Dr this morning for her 18mo check up, so I didn't get into the office until almost lunch time. W started to talk to me soon after I got in. Really not sure if I need to 'step up' right now, or just let her do her thing.
(12:42:48 PM) M: how's your day going so far? (12:43:10 PM) W: not too bad, but I'm really, really tired for no reason (12:43:20 PM) M: awww, I'm sorry (12:43:33 PM) W: I don't know what it is (12:43:54 PM) M: it maybe left over 'D effect' from the other night (12:47:04 PM) W: I don't know what it is (12:47:08 PM) W: I feel awful (12:47:15 PM) M: are you getting sick? (12:47:28 PM) W: who knows (12:47:33 PM) W: I think it's stress (12:47:40 PM) M: I'm sorry :-( (12:48:17 PM) M: can you leave early and go home for a bit? (12:50:09 PM) W: naw (12:50:20 PM) W: I just need to get away from everyone for a while (12:50:27 PM) W: unfortunately, I can't (12:50:36 PM) M: do you have any vacation time? (12:51:02 PM) W: yep, but I don't want to use it right now (12:51:42 PM) M: maybe you could take a Friday and a Monday sometime and get away for a while (12:51:56 PM) W: yeah, but I hate not seeing D (12:52:34 PM) M: I know you miss her a lot (12:52:44 PM) W: yep (12:52:58 PM) M: she loves Mommy a lot (12:53:32 PM) W: don't know about that, but I sure hope she grows up to be more successful at life than Mommy (12:56:19 PM) M: we both know she loves her Mommy (12:56:25 PM) M: and I think Mommy is successful (12:56:33 PM) W: nope (12:56:38 PM) W: not in the least (12:56:53 PM) M: why do you say that? (12:57:43 PM) W: I've failed at a lot of stuff (12:59:04 PM) M: we all do, but you have been successful at a lot of things (1:00:46 PM) W: I've failed at important life stuff (1:00:49 PM) W: it's a shame (1:01:03 PM) W: I wasted so much time, and now I'm too old for a lot of things (1:05:22 PM) M: I don't believe that at all (1:06:01 PM) M: I have never thought of you as a failure (1:06:10 PM) W: I am (1:06:13 PM) W: it's sad (1:06:22 PM) W: I had potential early on, but I ruined it
I dont know that there is much you can do to help her. It sure sounds like MLC stuff. Have you seen that stages of MLC that has been posted on here various times?
I think Kerry hit it on the head w/ the MLC. I know also that I tend to put myself down when I want H to make me feel better. Fishing for praise I guess. Sounds like W is going into another bout of depression thus the not feeling good.
I think Kerry hit it on the head w/ the MLC. I know also that I tend to put myself down when I want H to make me feel better. Fishing for praise I guess. Sounds like W is going into another bout of depression thus the not feeling good.
Sure seems like it - Maybe I did the wrong thing, but I called her on my way home just to check on her. She sounded happy enough, but I could tell she was totally exhausted. Told me she appreciated me calling to check on her. D is staying with the ILs tomorrow night, so we'll have an hour drive each way to drop her off and come back over here for dinner tomorrow - More often than not, W will relax and open up a little when we go for a drive.
Tonight was a pleasant change - Lots of stuff going on, but at least W is happy and talking to me again.
W IM'd me this morning asking what the plan for tonight was. She was anxious about spending some time with D because she hasn't seen her for a couple of days. We talked for a little while, but then I just left her alone for the rest of the day. I picked up W from her house and we went to get D from daycare together - Talked a little on the way, but not a whole lot. After we got D, W was really quiet, which made for a fun 1hr drive to her parents... D was left at the ILs for her overnight, so W and I went on our way to figure out dinner and stuff. I had plans in mind for a particular restaurant, but W felt she was under dressed, so we ended up going to the mall for a little while, then we ended up at Red Lobster. Not horrible, but exactly what I was going for (I wanted something a little more unique and creative, but I left the choice to W). W talked a lot on the ride back from her parents and through dinner. I can't even keep track of most of it - Lots was about D, W's own fears, some was about OM, some was about her friends at work. Quite a mixture of things. We laughed, joked, had some serious conversations (mostly about D), but things went really well.
Some random things that I can't make sentences out of:
1) W told me that people at work have been making comments about her and OM. A couple of guys there refer to her as 'Old cougar'. She didn't like that too much. It was weird because W talked to me about it as if I had never questioned her and OM.
2) W said that people had complained that she wasn't "high maintenance" enough. She mentioned that she wasn't a girl who liked diamonds and junk, but she'd rather get a "blah blah" for her birthday. Two guesses what I got her for her birthday? It's not diamonds, and it's not junk.
3) We talked a lot about various people - Her pregnant lesbian friend, OM (yeah, I'm not sure if I should entertain that discussion either...) and family. Sometimes W talked like we were still together, sometimes like we weren't. It was pretty confusing.
4) On the way home she asked me if I thought a girl we both know was attractive. I told her I didn't think so (which was me being honest), but she said I didn't have to lie because it didn't matter anymore. She was pretty drunk at that point, so I don't know how much thought to put into any of it.
When I left W thanked me many times for dinner, and she gave me a kiss and a hug. I told her I'd be going out tomorrow, but I'd be by in the morning with her birthday things from me and D. She said she'd come with me when I go out, and we'd go pick up D together.
So, I guess nothing bad can come of she and I spending time together. We'll probably end up together for a good chunk of tomorrow, and we're going to her parents' on Sunday.
There's probably a lot more stuff that I forgot, but that's what I can empty out of my head right now.
Sounds like a good night. I wonder what she was pondering while you drove to her parents. Maybe that is a recipe for you - let her be quiet around you for a while and then she will open up after collecting her thoughts. Too bad that she drank too much and might forget all the good conversation.
I cant help but get a chuckle out of the "Old Cougar" nickname. Just make sure that you dont accidently let it slip out of your mouth as a sarcastic remark in a future conversation.
I yearn for the day when I can go out to dinner with W and no kids. So far in the last 2 months, W and I have done lunch twice. For the time being, OM is getting most of the dinner dates, but that may be changing soon if she moves out to an apartment.
I got a chuckle out of the old cougar too. You think if her coworkers are saying that about her that she would have the sense to step back and look at the "R" w/ the OM. I have been on those long silent rides too. Glad she got chatty on the ride back.
Maybe she picked Red Lobster so you wouldn't get the wrong idea. I know my H loves to say he doesn't want to give me false hope yet he constantly does stuff that merits a WTF.
As for the comment about it doesn't matter anymore...she probably won't remember saying it. And again, WTF does that mean. WAS certainly are great at making ambiguous statements.
Hope she likes her gifts. I decided not to get one for H as his in two weeks as he didn't even take Ds to get me one for m bday. Ds will get one for him which obviously will be my idea. I already know "they" are going to get him something for a hobby of his that I haven't been very supportive of all the time. H will have to spend time w/ me on bday as D10 has a competition that day. Enough of me.
Glad you ended up having a good evening. Can't remember the last time we did something together as a couple. The fact that she was willing to go to dinner with you seems like a plus to me.
My W has her BD this Fri and I dont know what to get her. Any more hints what a "blah blah" is?
Oh, it's a bunch of computer stuff she has been talking about for the last month or so - She is starting to like little projects like that again, so I thought it'd be nice to encourage it.
