Your sitch sounds alot like mine wife has been very confused every since she dropped the bomb 8 months ago. I know alot of her confusion stems from this so called friend she met about the same time she dropped the bomb a third party being involved always messes things up worse. But back to your sitch: I certainly feel your pain all you can do is give her space, and if you want to give this a chance to work someday focus on being her best friend. No pressure, help her with things when she asks, resist arguments or lashing out, it gives them a chance to think about what their doing instead of finding more blame in you to justify their actions. God Bless
Me 38 WAW 29 D 4 Married 9 Together 11 Bomb June 07 Separated Jan 08 Reconciled May 08 awesome, happy, and blessed
she took the bed she has been sleeping in for the past month. she was using the pillow on that bed. i am using asumptions right now but i hopw its not because theres someone else going to be in her bed. She also took all of our pictures. This was the one think i could use right now because aty least in memmory i had a friend, and when im down i would like to remember the person who loved me. im just rambeling im sorry folks this is just a real hard day.
Marcum - sorry you're having such a rough time. I know that's so hard.
A few things I'd suggest:
- Pack up her stuff that she didn't take, with as little emotion and assumptions as possible. I know this will be hard - but that way you can stop seeing things and driving yourself crazy wondering why this, not that, etc. Maybe a friend or family member can help you with this.
- Rearrange/redecorate some parts of the house so they feel more like "you." It will help you feel comfortable and help fill the holes in your home.
- Don't lose sight of the DB principles... it's easy to get really sucked down right now, but keep working towards that PMA, GAL, long term goals. It'll be a fight for awhile to force yourself to do this, but it will help in the long run.
I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. When my H moved out I stayed most of the time - proud of you for being able to NOT do that, good job there.
Me 35, H 38; Together 13.5 yrs, M 7 Bomb 1 10/07/06 Sep'd 1/14/07 - 4/15 Piecing: 4/07 - 9/07 Bomb 3 10/11/07: Never loved you, let's separate 2/08 slowly improving 7/08 Piecing (7/25/08 rings back on!!) Current thread
I know today's hard on you...hang in there. I haven't read all your posts, so I'm not too familiar with your sitch. I do know that your a cop and...oh to delve into your mind might give me some insight into my own husband. Later...
I don't want to mention it, but it really sounds like she's seeing someone else. Why would she move and not take anything that you gave her? I mean, I long for the good 'ol days of college parties, and living alone, but the past is the past. It looks like she's looking to relive some old times. Rarely, in my opinion, would a woman start acting as your's has without having someone in the wings. Just a thought that kinda jumped on me reading your posts.
I'll be thinking about you today. Hang in there.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
This waitying game is the worst. I know she is hurting right now as well. I also realise that we need to end these deep talks and go out as a couple and have fun as a couple. this will build new memories and lessen the heavyness that sorounds us. yet she is pulling back as hard as she can , makeing it impossable.
The first tool in your toolbox needs to be patience. Right now you don't need to go out as a couple, you need to give her space, and lots of it! The more you try to engage her, the faster and harder she will pull away, as you are learning!
I realise and thank you for the reminder, because when the dread fills in its hard to see what to do. im working on GAL. now today i found out that i need to be in court on tuesday at 5. our MC is at 4 across town and we were plaining a date night after. now i have to tell her that i nee a hour brak in there somewere. the scary part is i dont want to call her to rescedual the MC because i dont want to caqll her with any nneg info right now. she uses it as fuel. I have a solo C with the same counseler on friday so i might have her call my W to tell her. Is this a cowardly way?
It depends on what the talk consists of. Are these talks about how to divorce, or how to mend? She may need time between appts to process everything. You have a date night planned? I think that sounds pretty good.
Me 36 Husband 35 D5 S2 separated: 10/29/07-present Served divorce papers 1/22/09 "When the world gives out beneath your feet, it is time to learn how to fly."
true but now i have to delay it for my damn job. i actualy went to the city attorney and asked if we could re-scedual the trial but he just looked at me like a fool and said no. I am very afraid of calling her top tell her as im trying to creat distance yet still seem a good husband. any neg info or setbacks she getds is like putting fuel on a fire
