Do you know that you are one of my heroes, my inspirations? I love your introspective ramblings, and feel so many of the same things - albeit, I'm far behind you in this whole A-recovery process.
Brian -- Thanks so much for these kind words! I'm glad that we have been able to support each other on our threads...BTW -- you are doing so well. But, you know that I hope!
Quote: I'm going through the same things now: can't concentrate at work (hey, I'm supposed to be writing a business proposal right now), haven't spent nearly enough time with or energy on my kids, and have been making excuses to get out of playing tennis and golf (both of which I love) to spend more time at home (partly to work on the M, partly, truth be told, to make sure that she isn't contacting the OG).
Sounds like we're on exactly the same path here...DO take a bit of advice from me and don't sequester yourself in the house thinking you can keep w from contacting om...you'll drive yourself crazy. I think the sooner you can abandon that attempt at control the better off you'll feel.
Quote: This, too, is me. My worries beyond the present (getting my W to totally give up the OG and recommit) have to do with really being able to meet my W's emotional needs.
It's been a constant refrain on my thread..."I don't know how to be a good w to him" ... screw it. I do know how to be a good (albeit imperfect) wife -- AND when I don't, I'm willing to be told how to improve.
Quote: But when we can move on past this, I still wonder about whether my W will be able to open up to me. Am I too critical? Unhelpful? A bad listener? Do I act uninterested or maybe as if I'm too intellectual?
I struggle with this all the time....I noticed early on that I was often distracted when h was talking with me...now I'm sure to stop EVERYTHING else and listen fully. What's hard for me is that often the important nuggets of info from him don't come when we're sitting down talking to each other...they come when we're doing other stuff and then wham I realize that I've missed an opportunity to relate to something important to him...the other thing I have is that I do not listen well when a hot button of mine is pushed -- I get too emotional and it shuts me down.
It'll be interesting to see what observations you come up with in your sitch...
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
