Lots of soul-searching here, Sage. I, myself, am very familiar with what you're talking about. It's interesting that when we DB, we take other stuff on to better ourselves and to distract us from the vacillations of our S. Thing is, at the same time, we begin to lose sight of other things because we are so very focused on working things out. I guess it's all about balance.
I too am more distracted at work, not as sharp, don't feel as motivated about doing certain things... Additionally, I am also familiar with how much to say to my W and when to say it, and if I do say it, how will it be interpreted.
I have to say, I think part of the distancing from other things is a defense mechanism we have. In a way, we need to pull back on certain things to concentrate on the task at hand...otherwise, we'd be overwhelmed. I believe the trick is to regain the balance in our life while piecing our M back together. It's not easy and I'm still having troubles at work. Heck...we only have so much energy and that energy can only be distributed to so many things at once.
Quote: I want to have an honest, loving marriage that feels positive for both of us. I want my marriage to be built on the foundations of trust and fidelity. I see us sometimes locked in a cycle that seems to just not lead to those things...I'm not sure I know how to be the person that he feels as though he can open up to. I'm not sure I know how to inspire his honesty or intimacy. I'm not sure I know how to encourage him to face whatever fears he has.
We're all unique beings... As such, each of us has different needs. Your H's needs will ALWAYS be different than yours. His interpretations of things will ALWAYS be different than yours. I think the trick is to try to understand each other and grow together on this journey of learning. It will never end. We always need to try. Sometimes we are more connected to our Ses than at other times. Jeez...it's just a constant ebb and flow, ying and yang, etc.
I think Sage needs a break. Try to ride the tide for a bit. Relax...your H loves you and is home and willing to work on you guys. You can be more yourself...not as guarded...more open. You've worked hard and have won...
