so so so much stuff there...but the one thing that struck me most was this one
Quote: I talked in C. this week about not knowing what if feels like to be really loved -- well, not in my family at least. I see that h is truly loved by his family -- and I can FEEL him loving me sometimes in a way that feels unfamiliar to me -- it scares me.
it is scary to be loved unconditionally isn't it.
more pondering in my head about the other things you've said..but then those are just the stirring up of things in my mind...I can relate to how you are feeling...
regarding a display of strength....well I can tell you that my h's ow once said to me that it's easier to keep the family together...that's a load of crap..much much easier to throw it all away and start a new. you are showing huge strength.
