Make things better by looking ahead....

[sage]

Wow. Why was it so terrifying for me to write down that I sometimes have doubts too? Did I think that the world was going to fall apart? That h would see it and be on the phone to a lawyer, as though my certainty was the only thing holding us together? Or was I afraid that I would hurt him if he read it?

Are my doubts about failing? or about succeeding? I talked in C. this week about not knowing what if feels like to be really loved -- well, not in my family at least. I see that h is truly loved by his family -- and I can FEEL him loving me sometimes in a way that feels unfamiliar to me -- it scares me.

So, I don't know if that's where my doubts are...or if they rest in wondering if I can have a faithful m. based on honesty with this person.

Sage