CONTACTING OW/OW'S HUSBAND

[kikidee]

I am feeling much more in control today. After having spoken with my H yesterday and saying a couple of things to help him see reality, I am hoping that we can at least be civil with each other. I let him know that although boundaries I've had my entire life have been pushed much beyond their limits, I have 2 which are still immovable. Respect and truth. We have planned to meet in 2 days. If he is honest then, I will be able to move forward with him. If he is not, I know that he is not capable of meeting my stripped-down needs and I have to continue to focus on myself and leave the hope and the marriage to the side. I am interested in a new beginning for us. I would like to find our friendship again. If nothing else, we are parents to our kids for the rest of our lives. I know I can't live this way any longer and slowly I see that there is a way to get through it. It is so impossible to see while in the midst of it - but I feel now that it is possible to have a life outside of this turmoil.. Thank you to all who have said this from the beginning. I am now able to see the possibility.

My H told me that he has a phone counsel meeting this evening. I told him I thought that was a good idea. I just hope that whoever he speaks with knows what he/she is doing. We have used the Employee Assistance Program through my H's work before and it has been useless. I just hope it doesn't do more harm and that my H will be able to recognize a useless therapist if he meets with one.

I still have hopes that my H and I will be able to make our M work. I have been interested in seeking help since we left our last therapist. Through my research, I have found 2 possibilities. One is a promising looking couples therapist (as much as I'm very scared about going to one after what happened last time). The other is Retrouvaille. Has anyone had any experience with this program? I am a fallen catholic and my H is not particularly spiritual or churchy. It sounds like it's ecumenical and not too scary. This, of course, is likely too soon to be thinking about anything like this but if my H indicates that he wants to do something and asks for my input, I'd like to give him the options that I know of. Any thoughts would be helpful.

Again, thank you so much for all of your positive thoughts. It has most definitely helped me get back to a better state of mind...one which feels much more true to who I am.

Thankyouthankyouthankyou.