Hi, lwb. When I found out about my H's A back in '05, I read "After The Affair" by Spring. It helped me to understand what was going on with me internally (emotionally, mentally), and with H as well. It was very informative, although I think I like Glass' book a bit more. She believes, as do I, in outing the A, and her steps to healing are very detailed and easily understood. She's upfront and reminds her readers that there is hope, yet there are no guarantees. Great book.


Quick update:

MIL called me yesterday morning to remind me that she was out of town. Good thing she did because I totally forgot! MIL watches the kids for me while I go to work on Wednesday evenings.

So I called H and asked if he would be available after work to stay with the kids. He said, "Yeah, I guess." Despite his obvious lack of enthusiasm, I told him thanks and said goodbye.

Decided to check if my parents would be free to watch the boys when they got home from work (maybe they wouldn't seem as bothered), and they were available. So I called H back which was about 15 minutes later and told him to never mind. I told him that my parents would be able to help out. With a bit more oomph in his speech this time, H asked, "Are you sure? It's not like I have anything to do later on." I said, "Yes, I'm sure. I realize you're working right now and will probably be coming off a long, hard shift, so don't worry about it. Have a good day. Bye." H said, "Ok, thanks. Bye."

Let it go.

Fast forward to last night.

The boys and I got home just after 9:15 or so. Got them settled into bed, fixed myself something to eat, and read for a little bit until the phone rang at about 10:30pm.

It was H, and he wanted to know why I hadn't called him back.... ??? .... Asked what did he mean, and he said he left a message. When I got home, there were two messages on the answering machine, but my mom told me she called the house twice (before I got to her house to drop the boys off), so I just assumed the messages were from her and erased them both without listening. Explained that to H.

He sounded a little down in the dumps and said he wished I would've called him sooner. I said sorry, I didn't know. He said he wanted to ask if it was ok if he could spend the night. He was having trouble getting to sleep and didn't want to be alone. I said if he wanted to, that was alright with me, but then he said, "No, I'm already in bed now. I wasn't earlier." I said ok, but if he changed his mind to just come. We said goodnight then hung up.


Now, I'm wondering if I should bring up the topic of moving back in. H moving back in if he didn't want the D was/is one of my conditions. He's said he doesn't want the D, but nothing has been done or said about moving in.

I haven't called my ATTY yet. I haven't done anything to stop the D which is coming fast. I don't want to stop it if H doesn't move back in, and I would like to see the initial step forward come from H himself. If I do stop the D beforehand, I don't see him respecting my wish. I think he will continue to remain at his place for as long as he can or wants to.

Don't know what to do.

Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell