Lots of good stuff. I'm not sure about how the 1 yr works but I will ask tomorrow.
I'd love to see H's OW depositioned. A friend of mine had asked if I could sue her for alienation of affection but unfortunately my state doesn't do that anymore. I'd sue the B in a heartbeat. FYI - HI, IL, MS, NM, NC, SD & UT are states that still allow OW/M to be sued for alienation of affection.
You are right about the D. What I meant if it isn't contested it can go through in 60 to 90 days. My heart broke when I went to a L and she told me this.
I think all states it should be a 1 year wait. This would stop a lot of D.
I agree wholeheartedly!
I know in Texas not too long ago someone made a proposal that there be a waiting period---I think it was some odd length of time like 14 months because research has shown that's an average of how long Affairs last---before a divorce.
I'm not sure if that meant the legal separation would be 14 months and the divorce would be final at the end of that time, or how exactly it was supposed to work, but I don't think it ever got far enough to even go up for a vote.
Stupid good 'ol boys club.
Me:40, xH:41 M:19 T:21 D14, S10, D6 IDLYA bomb:12/22/06 OW bomb (21 yr. old employee):12/23/06 H move out 2/07, OW move in 5/07 D papers served 6/07 D final Nov. 26, 08 :-(
It just recently past her like maybe last year to make it 1 yr if you have minor childred. I think that it's great.
However, I do wish I could sue OW for alienation of affection. Maybe this would make all OW/M think twice before getting involved with a married person. If they were made accountable for their part in the A maybe we would have less divorces. It's unfortunate that our society views A's as a common place thing and that it's no big deal to have an A and destroy a family.
Like I told my H when he dropped the bomb, this not only affects me but our sons, their future wives and our future grandchildren. Why can't they see this? It's all ME, ME, ME! The selfish a$$.
However, I do wish I could sue OW for alienation of affection. Maybe this would make all OW/M think twice before getting involved with a married person. If they were made accountable for their part in the A maybe we would have less divorces. It's unfortunate that our society views A's as a common place thing and that it's no big deal to have an A and destroy a family.
Like I told my H when he dropped the bomb, this not only affects me but our sons, their future wives and our future grandchildren. Why can't they see this? It's all ME, ME, ME! The selfish a$$.
To that whole post, can I just add a big, "AMEN!"
I did ask my L about the alienation of affection thing. Yet another law that got written out of Texas (several years ago) by the good 'ol boys. Ugh.
Yep, those married men might not be so attractive if the little girlies knew they'd get SUED for it!!!!!
Last edited by tpaschal; 02/21/0808:12 PM.
Me:40, xH:41 M:19 T:21 D14, S10, D6 IDLYA bomb:12/22/06 OW bomb (21 yr. old employee):12/23/06 H move out 2/07, OW move in 5/07 D papers served 6/07 D final Nov. 26, 08 :-(
H pulled a good one on me today. He has been having his check deposited into our joint account and then has a set amount put or I would deposit it for him into his account. However, today he had almost 3 times the normal amount put into his account. I can probably cover all the bills (I haven't ran the numbers yet). H says that he wants us to be "friends" for the boys sake but this is something that I wouldn't do to a friend. I wouldn't put less money into a account for them without first advising them that it was going to happen.
So, I called H. He didn't answer. I called SIL and vented. By the time H called me back I just said 'Never mind I got it taken care of. Thanks for calling me back.' I so wanted to chew his head off and I bet he fully expected me to. But, I didn't. I didn't want to give him the satisfaction.
I'm seeing an L today. I don't know how much more of H's crap I can take.
He wants his boat, 1969 corvette (that he and S15 were supposed to rebuild), 4 wheelers, tools and his personal stuff. S15 was upset about him wanting the 4 wheelers and tools. S15 uses the 4 wheeler H doesn't. And H's tools are the envy of any man (you should see his shop). S15 said now I have to go to ___ (H's OW lives 1 1/2 hrs away) to use a saw! S15 said I guess I will have to buy my own 4 wheeler and tools since you won't be able to afford it and Dad is taking them. I tried to explain that these are his things that he is entitled to have and that we would eventually have our own tools. S15 is still unhappy with H on this. I asked him to not say anything to H and just enjoy his dinner with H on Friday since it's been over 2 weeks since he has seen him.
Why do they have to do this to us and our children?
Regarding the 1 yr waiting period there doesn't have to be any papers filed. Just live apart for 1 yr and file the papers after 1 yr and you're divorced. If I wanted to I could be divorced in a couple of weeks because of the A. But, I of course don't want that.
Regarding spousal support (alimony) there are 3 things that they use to determine if I'd get any and 2 of these 3 were on my side except proof of need. Just depends on the judge.
L advised me to take pics of everything. H is already taking his tools from the house and may not return them so there's no way to determine what he had. L advised me to squirrel away money if I can. If I can, get someone to come and appraise our stuff because what H wants and what I get will probably not be of equal value and if it's appraised I'd have documentation of their value to present in court. L said to be smart and prepare for battle but first and foremost take care of myself. H doesn't have to do anything for the boys after they are 18. I just worry about them not having medical insurance because I don't have any benefits.
I explained that I didn't want a D and L said to just wait it out as long as I can. So, on Nov. 24, 2008, H can file and I will be D. This sucks.
I did cancel H's credit card that the account is in my name. H has a credit card in his name but he would never get a card for me. I also took all the money from the savings accounts today. H noticed both of these things and said we shouldn't be doing this and we shouldn't be playing these games. I asked him about the change in his deposit and he said he meant to tell me about it and that was why he was calling and that it wasn't supposed to happen for 2 weeks. L said to keep the money because I'll need it.
What a weekend......My H freaked out this weekend. He and I had emailed each other 6 times on Thursday. No, nothing sweet, not even how are you and the boys. It was all business. Saying stuff like....We need to get together to go over the bills, I need to pick up my stuff, the divorce and filing.....bla, bla, bla....crap like that.
He called me on my cell that same evening. I did not get his call. My cell was dead. The next morning on the way to work, my battery was charged and I got his voice mail. I emailed him when I got to work Friday morning, asking what he needed. I did not hear anything from him the entire day. That evening while we were home eating dinner, H cut the gate chain and lock, came busting into our home (yes, my boys and a friend of theirs was there to spend the night). H was furious, saying he is sick of no one ever returning his calls and emails, bla, bla, bla. It was not a pretty sight. He was pale and bug-eyed and very, very angry. I told him I would not talk to him about this in front of the boys and we would have to take this outside.
He has not seen our boys in a month. He did not even say anything to them. SAD. After 2 hours in his car, talking I gave up trying to understand him or reason with him. He was listening to nothing I said and still doesn't. He told me we were getting ready to loose our house because his job was cutting his overtime. I laughed.
He has been keeping his overtime. I do not use it to pay our bills. In 5 months he has taken $12,000 in overtime and savings. I told him it looked like cutting the overtime was going to cramp his style, not mine. He told me he could not live with his mom forever, and I replied.....should have thought of that when you walked out.
I asked him was he now trying to tell me that he was going to cut the money off??? YELP!!!! Because, all this time I could have not paid the bills, allowed his credit rating to be ruined and taken the money and played like he has with his overtime.
How selfish can he be???? 1st, he has up-root our family, taken my H, me and the boys security and stability, our family unity, the boys father, our self-esteem, confidence, etc. and now he wants to take the roof over our heads and the groceries???? What in the Hel is he thinking.
I told him just because he woke up one day and said....I'm not happy, I've had the same woman for 31 years and I want to trade her in on a new one....that wasn't enough now, now he wanted to talk everything else. I want, I want, I want. It's all about him!!!! He is the most selfish SOB in the world. I do not know this man....
I told him....I was done being nice. I had been nice up to this point. The best thing he could do was get an attorney, file and have me served. This D was going to be a blood bath and to get ready. HE IGNORED ME! I told him 5 times, and nothing. I'm talking to a brick wall.
Today, emails me saying he got the tag for the truck he is driving. SOOOOOOO. Then emailed me again saying, we needed to get together to talk about the bills. WHAT????? WHAT???? WHAT??? Didn't I tell him to get an attorney and file. It's an ALIEN, I swear IT is!!!!
2ndnoah Married 24 years Dated 6 years H Filed D 3/5/08 Crushes my Heart! 2 teenage boys 15&19 Missing Him!
I'm so sorry that your weekend was so insane and the kids all had to witness this.
Lookily, my H seems to care what the boys think of him now so I don't think he'd do that in their presence just on the phone with me.
H called me yesterday to discuss S19 who had gotten in trouble again with the law. Then he started in on have I seen a lawyer that he was waiting for me to do this. I lied and said no. I'm trying to drag this out but I remembered that I'd paid her with a check and it cleared yesterday. I'm sure H saw this.
We got onto the subject of the credit cards and I told H again that I didn't think it was fair of him to expect me to pay for OW's dinners, gifts, building supplies, company expenses he gets reimbursed 100% out of our money and that he should pay off those expenses with his 1/2 that he will get. I told him he would surely not stand for it if it was the other way around. H told me that he was not going to have me telling him how to spend his money! WHAT!!
I also told H that I'd like him to maintain health insurance for both boys until 6 months after they graduated from college. H said he'd never agree to this or anything else that I asked of him and that HE was going to take care of HIS sons. I reminded him that they were OUR sons. H is only legally required to maintain health insurance on S15 until he graduates from high school and he doesn't have to have insurance on S19 at all.
H also said he wanted me to email to him a list of things that I want. He said he'd already started his list and wasn't finished with it. So, I told him since he'd already started a list to please email it to me when he's finished and I'd start on mine. He said NO. I was to email my list first. WTF? He has no clue who he is messing with. I CAN play hardball and I'd love to do it with the 2 that he has!
Tomorrow is our 20th anniversary. I can't wait to see what I'm in store for.
