Make things better by looking ahead....

[sage]

maybe we can just tell ourselves over and over again that it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all...sure right now we love but it is a gaurded love...so then are we really loving?

EXACTLY! It's the guardedness that's holding things back! But the fear of throwing off the training wheels...ohlala!

I realized in C. last night that I have NEVER loved without fear or reservation. I know my h. has felt that and I'm so sorry for it....

in "sit" with it, what exactly does that mean? are you sitting and preparing yourself for the neg scenario to unfold?? perhaps that may just end us up with a self fulfiling profecy all over again. if "sit" with it means to accept the fear then perhaps that is good...but we must move beyond it. right?

I mean "sit" with it in a meditative sense -- NOT in what I used to do which was get involved in some elaborate mental fantasy about all the crappy things that could be going wrong. That's just BAD stuff for me!

When I'm "sitting" with the feeling I just close my eyes (unless I'm driving! ) and just FEEL it -- I don't expound on it -- I just feel it through my body...what I've found is a couple of things...if I let it happen, it washes over me and goes away AND sometimes what I THINK I'm feeling isn't REALLY what's going on at all...sometimes fear is really masking sadness, whatever.

Mind you , I'm not sitting around letting feelings wash over me all the time... I only make a conscious effort when the feeling is particularly intense.

] I told this story to h one night when I was feeling a bit afraid to get back on that bike...bruises are not as bad as broken bones but damn they sure hurt.

I think it's time we got back on that bike and let the wind blow through our hair...enjoy what we've been given and remind ourselves everyday...nothing ventured nothing gained. we have little to loose by allowing ourselves to love and love fully...and a lot to loose if we give in and let our fears keep us from enjoying our lives.

I love it!!!

I wonder if my h. is as scared as I am????

Sage