Quote: I think I'm afraid of a bunch of things -- of messing up, of being happy -- really and truly happy, ecstatic, delirious -- in the m. only to find out that it's a joke, a ruse, built on lies. I'm afraid of having my heart broken (even tho' I DO know that I would be ok), of hurting my h. without knowing it. I'm afraid of believing something that isn't true, of being laughed at, lied to. I'm afraid of losing what I love, who I love. I'm afraid of letting myself love for fear of losing!
maybe we can just tell ourselves over and over again that it is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all...sure right now we love but it is a gaurded love...so then are we really loving?
Quote: COOL! Where do we start????
letting go of false expectations is a start...I think we're doing that in pointing out the positives.
Quote: Right now, I'm just trying to "sit" with it -- when I feel sad or scared I try to breathe deeply and actually REALLY feel it.
in "sit" with it, what exactly does that mean? are you sitting and preparing yourself for the neg scenario to unfold?? perhaps that may just end us up with a self fulfiling profecy all over again. if "sit" with it means to accept the fear then perhaps that is good...but we must move beyond it. right?
I did post this story on one of my threads it did help me..though it occured before my h came home..
on sunday after comming home from a mini vaca with in-laws..I arrived home to find h had not been by to mow the lawn..and as a matter of fact wasn't even there yet!! grrrr!...anyway I didn't want to be home when he arrived (was not in a good db mood and acting as if would be out of the question) mil being the good sport that she was let me take off for a bit used the excuse to get milk, she stayed with the kids...anyway back to the point...
I was at the little store in the center of town...sat outside at the picknick tables and an older couple joined me...their motorcycles parked nearby...the woman was wearing a t-shirt.."student rider" it read on the back...she had been a rider many years before but had a bad accident..bruised every part of her body..nothing broken just bruised (kinda like us..not broken by what's happen but the pain of bruises is intense) she had stoped riding after the accident...but as her grandchildren (she really wasn't that old) were learning to ride their bicycles and she'd tell them to get back up and try again when they'd fall...she realized that she wasn't listening to herself...she fell...but didn't bother to get back up and ride again...so she made herself a t-shirt..."student rider" (on the back so you could read it while she rode) and back on the bike she got and faced her fear.
I told this story to h one night when I was feeling a bit afraid to get back on that bike...bruises are not as bad as broken bones but damn they sure hurt.
I think it's time we got back on that bike and let the wind blow through our hair...enjoy what we've been given and remind ourselves everyday...nothing ventured nothing gained. we have little to loose by allowing ourselves to love and love fully...and a lot to loose if we give in and let our fears keep us from enjoying our lives.
LL (now if I could stick to thinking that way life would be grand!)
