1. H. continues to be a dynamo around the house -- painting, yard work, new projects, finishing up old ones too.
2. When I expressed appreciation for everything that he's doing at home, he told me "that makes me feel good" -- letting me know that really helps!
3. H. asked me if I had any "work stories" -- cool that he's interested!
I had C. and left feeling really good -- not because it was all sweetness and light but because we kind of got somewhere in terms of figuring out some stuff. I hate c. I hate going. Despite that, I think I may actually make some progress so I'm gonna trudge through a bit.
What didn't go well: H and I had our first real fight (non-R related) in a LONG time. Like, a REALLY long time....in some ways, it felt like progress (to actually be arguing about something fairly mundane instead of the R.) -- but -- it mainly felt crappy. We went to bed mad.
H. called this morning though which I really appreciated. He let me know that he thought I hadn't been really listening to what he was saying last night -- that I had expounded his words to reach a different conclusion. Being honest with myself, I'd have to say that was true. It was HARD for me to really hear what he was saying because of the WAY that he was saying it and how I mentally reacted to it -- his words "well, that'll be your responsibility" brought me back to the place where I felt like I was responsible for EVERYTHING. When I called him on that, he softened his words a bit and then got mad at me when I didn't completely let the thought go (go figure).
I guess what bummed me out the most was the feeling after. I worried that the fight would remind him of how things felt for him pre-a "you were so angry" he said once. I wasn't particularly pissed off this time but I was concerned that he wouldn't get it....arrgh. Welcome to Piecing.
I have to listen, listen, listen when the going gets tough. I'm doing ok on a day to day basis but I really struggle when a hot button gets hit.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
