Yeah, I also get hung up on patterns as well. It really is almost like studying an ailien life form. The patterns are all very similar and what amazes me even more is that it transcends income levels and race and socioeconomic status. We are all from different parts of the world with different backgrounds all going through the same thing. I want to share a few things thoughts that I have found comforting. First, I was reading where a woman talked about going through dealing with her husband's affair and her eventual divorce. She talked about the pain and how intense it was. For whatever reason she decided to view the pain as her link to the human experience. It is true. Our very painful experience is linking us to hundreds of people on the board. You right now can feel my pain just as I can feel yours. I don't know about you, but before this I have had a pretty uneventful life. I have not known much tragedy. Going through this hurts like hell, but wow if this is the worst thing that ever happened to me I would be OK. The other think JF, is I have seen this response in H before. Not since we have been married, but when we were dating. I have seen this pattern. Things get heavy, things get serious, he has to take on more than his share of the load he bolts. I can't say that I am surprised. I do believe in my heart that he will come back around, but I am wondering if this is something that will continue to be a pattern for him and that I may have to continue to deal with for the rest or our lives. That I am not so sure I can do. Can you think of any behavior that your H exhibited when you were dating that might explain his actions now? Did you guys do a lot of breaking up and making up? Did he run then? The most tragic part to me in all this is that we have sons. My H saw this pattern in his dad, your H saw it in his dad, and now our sons will see it. That makes me sad because I look at my BIL and my sister and the difference in our situations is that her husband fights for their marriage because he came from parents that were married for 50 years. I don't want my son to think that leaving your family is OK. It's not. Your commitment and your word to your wife and children is something that should be honored no matter what. I don't know how to teach him that when he could very easily just say "well dad left, so why can't I.?
