My last thread hasn't locked yet.. but I fear it's going to and I don't want to write what I've got on my mind at the moment on that one.. in case it does lock... so here I've started my new one.
I'm feeling pretty lost with regards to this DBing business. I understand the getting a life... I understand I'm supposed to come up with some 180's and make them stick.. I'm just not sure about how I'm supposed to be interacting with my H.
For example: I know I'm not supposed to have R talks with him.. and last night we had another one and he asked that we not do that anymore. He said all it does is upset me and make him feel guilty. So in doing this I am not being a safe haven for my H. My problem is that during the R discussion he said that he still doesn't know what he wants to do.. whether work on our marriage or walk away.. but that if he walks away he knows that we'll still continue being really good friends and he'll still take care of D2 and I financially.. and that because we'll be such good friends we'll co-parent our little girl so that she'll come out just fine. So during this R talk I told him that I do not feel if he reaches the decision to completely turn his back permanently on our marriage that I will be the good friend that he is looking for.. at least not for a very long time. I said to him that I can see his perspective that it should happen because he's getting what he needs out of that result.. he gets his freedom and he gets to have me still be a huge part of his life. I said from my point of view if he were to walk away permanently I am losing something very important.. So the thought of being able to just continue on as if everything is honky dory if that should occur does not seem likely.
For the time being while he and I are in limbo land he wants me to be with D2 and him whenever he visits on Mondays and Wednesdays. He also takes D2 every other Saturday and he wants us 3 to spend a few hours together (including a lunch) before I leave her with him and they continue doing their thing and I go off on my own. Should I be agreeing to this family time? I really don't know what right anymore. Part of me thinks that if he's wanting some family time it's the right choice to be giving it to him.. but the other part of me thinks that he hasn't even begun to realize what life without me is going to be like. And that's important, isn't it?
