Saffie, her having a 'wire' is pretty unlikely. Like AmyC said, she is a bit of an 'airhead'.
Originally Posted By: kml
Usually, these wild accusations come out of THEIR guilt.
I wouldn't be surprised if she's still carrying on with the married man. They start to project what THEY would do if they were in your shoes, if you knew the whole truth about their behavior.
You know, my first reaction was to believe her that it was "a big mistake and I stopped it." and that she "understands your boundaries and I'll respect them while I'm living in this house.' (no dating, affairs, etc...)"
But later I thought the same things you are thinking. I know that she still has something going on with her 'friend' because of evidence from the last time I checked. Maybe it's less 'flirty' but it is still a secret from his wife, and she has never 'explained' to me what it is. The only thing I think is true is that it has no future, and it's very likely she has backed off on the 'flirty' aspects but there's still something going on.
I could analyze for hours, but it would only mess up my head.
So, last night I thought about that, got a little angry for being so dumb as to buy into her crap, and then let it go.
I also had a thought as I was trying to go to sleep last night which was this: During all the things she went through 2 years ago I NEVER gave up on her. Never. Even the conversations where I told her to move out soon were not 'giving up' but were attempts to get her to get out of her ambivalence. I never gave up on her when she was falling apart, sitting on the floor in the bathroom crying that she wasn't ever going to be any good to anybody.
When she and I split up in 1998 I also never gave up on her.
I never gave up on her, ever. She even told me afterwards how grateful she was that I didn't give up on her.
Yet, she has given up on me more than once. This time is the worst because she promised she wouldn't, and I needed her the most. I wish I was lucky enough to be in the position of telling HER how glad I was that she didn't give up on ME right now, and that I was healing WITH her help like she did with mine.
Does it matter? No. It just clarifies to me how much our relationship has been off balance.
Quote:
Stick to the high road, stay detached. Show your kids that you are the strong dad they can rely on. Let go of your wife, look towards building a fabulous new life for yourself.
Note - this doesn't mean all hope for your marriage is dead - just that the best hope for it is for you to let go and work on yourself AS IF things are over.
More and more I am internalizing this idea.
This morning I heard her whimpering / crying as she was sleeping. Then the alarm went off and she woke up. She didn't say what she was dreaming.
Today she is back to being 'distant' and 'indifferent'. It's almost like she has to balance out the 'neediness' from the other night.
