No children to draw him back.....no what???

[NikB]

Hey pinkribbon, glad you're feeling a bit better.

As for the LRT section - yes, you pretty much have it. The other component of that is that making those changes and becoming healthy/whole for yourself may well end up attracting him back. At that point, if you both want the R, you can begin working on it together (using all those other techniques). So keep that hope on a shelf up high somewhere, but don't obsess or focus on it.

I don't often question someone wanting to save their M but in your case I have to wonder - is this what you really want?? It almost seems to me that you "knew" before you married that this was not a healthy R but you kinda fell back into it anyway. He sounds very controlling and manipulative, at least from what you've posted here. (it's not as extreme but there's a poster, CrystalBlue, who was on Infidelity for a day or so... her H was extremely controlling, degrading, manipulative - turns out it sounds like also abusive, so we're all urging her to run and not look back). Sometimes there ARE circumstances where you're better off not saving the M. I'm not saying that's the case for you for sure, just something to consider.