Well, we certainly had an interesting evening! Would love to hear your inputs.
So...decided to be spontaneous. Wifey comes home from work, there's nothin' in the 'fridge. "What the heck. Let's go out to eat."
We get a table. She's in a great mood. She orders a glass of wine.
Important note: for my wife, a couple of glasses of good riesling is the equivalent of sodium pentathol. Three glasses and were sharing her darkest secrets.
The restaurant was busy, so it took awhile to get our order. One glass down. I go to the bar and get another.
She is VERY chatty. Talked about her day, her friends, etc. I listen intently, ask questions, show genuine interest. Now she's laughing, were joking around. The meal comes, we continue our lively banter.
Need another glass of wine? Sure.
We clean our plates...the table is cleared. Our animated conversation continues.
And then, all at once, she stops. She fingers the stem of the wine glass and stares deeply into her riesling.
I look at her and smile. Here it comes.
Important note #2. Everytime she feels herself growing closer to me, her protective mechanism kicks in and I get stiff-armed. I'm used to it.
Here's an almost verbatim list of what she said. My responses to each of these gems was either a smile, a cheerful "OK", or an "I don't know, either."
I think maybe we get along better as friends. I really don't think I want a divorce. I don't know if we'll ever be more than friends. I don't know if I'll ever feel sexual towards you again. I don't know how to turn the "sex switch" back on. I really like talking to the MC. I don't know if I'll ever want to share a bed with you again. I still feel like I have more adventures I want to experience.
And there you have it. Being a "glass half full" kinda guy, I feel a lot of optimism when I read between the lines. I hear doubt and confusion, and if I can just be strong and be still...
What do you think?
Bomb
Me: 51 W: 50 M 24 yrs EA: since Apr 06 S22, S26, S28 ILYBNILWY:Nov 07
"It's only after we've lost everything that we're free to do anything." Tyler Durden
Excellent - Yippee - Saffie does a cartwheel and then creakingly shuffles back to the PC.........
Quote:
I don't know how to turn the "sex switch" back on. I really like talking to the MC.
Wow - huge admissions. I think talking about the inability to turn the "sex switch" back on is HUGE. Is she the type of person to read around a subject? Would she feel more comfortable reading about this and then going on a website and chatting to cyber people about it? Maybe you could help her find a website fow women who are experiencing these sorts of issues - there must be one, (other than this one).
And she like talking to the MC. The same MC who is very much on your wave length. Your MC sounds awesome.
Bomb, like you I read some very positive signs in there - and I tend to be a glass half empty kind of person by nature, (although I am working on that at the moment ).
Saffie shakes her head in amazement, (with a big smile on it).
I told you you were too good to let go!!!!!
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
I have heard most of those same things and agree completely that it a protective mechanism. My latest experience has not been as bad as before, but it is still there. My opinion is that she tests both me and herself and needs time to reflect on her internal test to see where she is. My tests are simply pass/fail while hers are essay and take more time to grade. :-)
I am finally taking my own advice (well, i have gotten it from others here) and that is to keep zero expectations, a PMA and not to push when things seem to be going better.
That being said, I also like to see the positives and deep down I feel some very guarded optimism. I focus on the positives now when I used to focus on the negatives. I have seen proof (but not snooping) of her doubt so I am clinging to that and trying hard not to push her.
