New and alone

[fandgmom]

Hi Jen,
Thanks for posting on my thread. I've read through your whole sitch and I sadly recall being where you are right now. It is a very difficult place to be but for me, there were a ton of things that I recognized that I needed to change about myself - whether H was coming back or not. I had to look at it that way.

The thing is, you have to be consistent in your NON-pursuit. Eventually, it becomes very natural and for me, eventually, slowly, I started to notice changes in my H's feelings about everything. You can do a search of all my old posts while we were separated - it's a pretty interesting roller coaster ride with huge ups and downs.

In a nutshell, our marital problems were largely my fault. I still take the blame for most of it because I really can't tell you what my H did wrong other than not speak up or put his foot down. Our major problem (and I didn't even know it) was our sex life. Before we separated we hadn't ML for almost a year and a half. Wow. How stupid was I for not realizing something was wrong with us. I just thought that's the way it is when you're married. We fell into routine with everything, the kids, the bills, etc...and I was unemployed at the time, home with the kids. During our separation I came to realize so many things.

The end result was that my H came back after 8 months of separation. The good stuff: our sex life is absolutely amazing -I am a different person in that aspect, and I love it - I go out with girlfriends at least once a month or more if I can. Basically, during our separation, I got alot of the old "me" back. The "me" that my H originally fell in love with. I wanted to be that person, whether H came back or not. I rediscovered myself.

As I said in my post though, I am still dealing with those darn insecurities. I do not want them to get in the way of our marriage. I can't let them.

Stay in touch. ((HUGS))