Sure in the beginnng I wasnt quite as "strong" per say and I DO have my moments of bursting into tears, But I guess I just give it to myself as havng a bad day or moment, or whatever. For the most part I just kinda plug along taking one day at a time.
Sandy,
So sorry that you have cause to join us here, but you sound like such a positive woman of God that I am glad to get the chance to know you, even if just through the computer!
Your story sounds similar to mine in many ways, though my bomb came in Dec. 06 and my kids are younger. We were also one of the families that people admired and thought had it all. I thought we did, too! My H was the great dad who coached his kids' YMCA soccer and t-ball teams. We didn't travel a lot anymore after our 3rd child was born, but we always did projects around the house together, did things together as a couple and as a whole family, etc., etc. We had fallen away from going to church as often once the kids got a little older and were involved in sports activities on the weekends, which I really regret. (The kids and I are getting involved again and going regularly, though my H is like yours and won't darken the door of a church.)
You sound as though you are handling everything really, really well and being so strong for your daughters.
The tears are so normal! I like how you are handling the depression. I've been trying to take it one day at a time, too, but maybe saying it out loud to myself will help.
Quote:
Last week I was running my daughter to a friends house and had crocs on in my snowy driveway and slipped and twisted and slammed my leg into car..it hurt a lot and I thought for a second I broke my leg. And in that second of wondering if I broke my leg it hit me...." I was alone" My H would not be around to take me to emergency room. My H wouldnt even care. My H wouldnt be the one to talk to Drs. MY H wouldnt be the one to prop my leg up on pillows and bring me motrin. I couldnt stop crying over this thought process. It just shook me to my core. I cried for hours alone in my room over this scary thought. Yes I have family and friends but it was SUPPOSSED to be my H who did all this. It was horrible. I called my sis and cried and she asked what I needed..I told her "chicken wing pizza"! So she brought me a chicken wing pizza and made me laugh. My leg was fine..bruised a bit but my heart was broken. But I know it wont always be this way..and this too shall pass...
I'm so sorry to hear that you were hurt. I hope your leg is okay. I haven't been ill (other than a slight cold or an occasional migraine) in the year since H left, but I did have an abnormal mammogram which required a biopsy in late spring. I remember the terror of wondering who would take care of my babies if the worst were to happen, since H so obviously didn't want them anymore. It is scary.
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Nature!!! Good question...LOL..no it wasnt that boss who gave him the "good" review ..it was another one ( a male) but I do know this woman did tell him he was sooo deserving of an excellent review and how dare the other guy only give him a "good" review...ohh boyy..enter a guy in MLC and an ego stroker...can you say deadly???
Oh, yeah. My H's OW is a 21 year old who strokes his ego AND makes him feel like the stud for being able to get with a hot young thing! Actually, I think he wants to be 21 again and have a do-over. Problem is, he's NOT 21 and he's got the wife, 3 kids, job and financial responsibilties that go along with being 40! But he's running away from it all and acting with the emotional maturity of a selfish, greedy, hormonal 12 year old child.
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Oh and I do have a question.....
Since this has all started..when I drive I find my self always soo deep in thought..I hardly ever listen to the radio as Im so lost in my thoughts constantly! I get to my destination and think " how the heck did I get here?" scary. Anyone else do this?
Oh, my gosh, yes! Constantly! I love music and singing so much, but now I can hardly stand to listen to the radio. For a long time every song I heard, no matter what I was listening to---Christian, Pop-top 40, oldies---made me burst into tears, so I just had to stop.
But I'm in the car so much playing chauffeur for my kids that I do use that time as my thinking time. Actually, I do a lot of talking out loud in my car, too. (When the kids aren't there, though people in cars next to me may think I'm crazy.) All those things I want to say to my H? I say them to the steering wheel. It sure helps keep me from saying them to H, or at least not as often. We've had some very interesting conversations, the steering while and I! LOL!!
Me:40, xH:41 M:19 T:21 D14, S10, D6 IDLYA bomb:12/22/06 OW bomb (21 yr. old employee):12/23/06 H move out 2/07, OW move in 5/07 D papers served 6/07 D final Nov. 26, 08 :-(
I think all of us have probobly Gotten from point A to point B with out even thinking that we left the driveway.
My H is avoident also. I think the guilt he feels is terrible. H also plans I fel on never talking about it because he just wants it to go away. Oh well I guess if I want the M i'll have to decide if I can live with that. Im leaning toward the fact that I can as long as he's thru the crap.
I think that as long as he hasn't mentioned any thing about s or D then that means he's still keeping the option open to work things through because no matter what his mouth spews deep down he knows it''s just that, is it vomit you say!
JAK
You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when, you can only decide how you're going to live now. ~Joan Baez
Sandy, It was a privilege to read your thread this morning. I rarely write anymore but I lurk just to see what's going on. To see someone take the bull by the horns the way you have is awesome. This will help your healing so much quicker.
Sorry you're here..........but not at the same time. You have much wisdom to offer and you will be a blessing to many here on the board. God bless you!
brue
I'm alive, I'm happy - why shouldn't I tell the world I've got my head screwed back on just fine. Life is good for the Brue!
I ask you guys for extra thoughts and prayers today..I guess my H has decided that he wont be paying the bills this month as he must pay off a HUGE corperate card (all his charges) and wont be giving me any money for myself or girls this month.
Sooo...with that being said he has left me no choice but to go to Social Services and file to get his wages garnished so we may eat this month. I DO NOT want to do this at all, but it gets to the point where I MUST step up to the plate and be the responsible parent. It just dismays me so much to know he is spending money on HER. Sigh.
This MLC stuff just keep getting funner and funner...
I keep waiting for "rock bottom" cuz you all know what it means when you hit rock bottom...and truthfully Im looking forward to that day!
Keep me in your prayers.
PS My FIL is going with me to help me and give me emotional support...love the man.
M 44 H 44 M 22 yrs D 20 D 16 D 13 Bomb 1 8/25/07 Bomb 2 9/30/07 Left 10/01/07 OW..yup
Me? I'm scrambling to save my family. My H is just scrambling.
I'm so sorry to hear that he will not give you any money this month. I cannot begin to imagine how horrid that must be. I have been very lucky in that field, and count my blessings, for many are in your situation and it only causes more pain !
I am glad that your FIL is going with you, he sounds like a wonderful and caring man.
Take care and know that my prayers will be with you !
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
I'm so sorry to hear this. It is so strange how they live in such a fantasy world. Not just the fantasy of the playing house with the OW, but how they completely ignore their responsibilities to their kids. I think it's the ostrich-head-in-the-sand syndrome. It's like they think---if I ignore my wife, my kids, and all my former responsibilities, maybe they'll cease to exist.
Hope everything goes well for you. Glad you have someone to go with you.
Me:40, xH:41 M:19 T:21 D14, S10, D6 IDLYA bomb:12/22/06 OW bomb (21 yr. old employee):12/23/06 H move out 2/07, OW move in 5/07 D papers served 6/07 D final Nov. 26, 08 :-(
Soooo...I went to Social Services to get info on getting my H wages garnished. I was sitting in office speaking with case worker and this is how convo went..
Case worker: So how can I help you?
Me: well, Id like to get info regarding what my options are. My H left Oct 1st and it seems he has decided to not be responsible with money.
CW: Are all your children born in wedlock?
Me: Yes. He seems to have run off and be doing his own thing.
CW: Oh a mid life crisis I see?
Me: BINGO!
Ok so how come others can see this sooo clearly while the actual "midlifers" think they are soo unique and they are the ONLY ones who feel so misunderstood. For crying out loud if they would just read a book about it...or something!!!!! But NOOOO they would rather destroy their life and everyone elses..sigh
But see...thats where my H will fail...HE WILL NOT DESTROY MY FAMILY...nope. not while I'MMMMM at the wheel !!!
Ok had ta vent..carry on folks!
M 44 H 44 M 22 yrs D 20 D 16 D 13 Bomb 1 8/25/07 Bomb 2 9/30/07 Left 10/01/07 OW..yup
Me? I'm scrambling to save my family. My H is just scrambling.
