All Hope is lost/Help - Part 2

[Evie]

Hi Jen

Thanks for stopping by, don't worry about the q's i need aanother take on this sitch.

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has your H ever mentioned getting a D?

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No H has never directly said he wants a D at the time of the initial bomb, i asked him if that was what he wanted and he shrugged his shoulders, it has never been mentioned since. I think he feels really guilty and hates confrontation so he allows me to stay in the house b/c of his guilt?

If i were to say today that i'd had enough i wanted a D and the house sold, he would go along with whatever I wanted, even if he didn't want any of it, if it was what I wanted and it made me happy he'd do it.

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Was it you who asked him to move out? Why?

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Yes I asked him to move out.. He had said 3 times he was going to move out and never did, but the R had deterioated and unfortunately I didn't know enough about DB to let things stay as they were. He said recently that things couldn't have gone on the way they were. I don't know if I regret this now?

This is what he recently wrote to me in way of an explanation to something he had written in an anniversary card in December:

I have put so much effort, time in to work to earn money which at the end of the day is not as important as we all think.

I have done it at the expense of my family at the cost of my family

I forced you to go to work when I now realise you wanted to be with the boys and should have been with boys

I hate what I have become – I hate every thing (Best friends name)is and I don't want to be like it any more.

The most valuable thing we have is time, however none of us know just how much time we have left.

The Boys are growing up fast and when I think back about the girls I didn't spend hardly any time with them because I was working all the time chasing what I thought was the most important thing-A bigger house, better cars, more holidays. I now realise the most important thing is your family.

My life style will change in time-I will be changing the way I work

All the above is what I have learnt, its what I've come to realize. I've realized that I have sacrifised my family for work. There is no work life balance at xxx -its all work

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We talked quite a bit at xmas via txt message, but we never apportioned blame or talked about Divorce.

I figured we are both on a jonoury of self discovery and i have always lived with the hope that one day we would get back together. H has never given me false hope. He lived a lie for the past 4 years by never admitting anything was wrong, I should have known it was more serious when i found his hidden viagra 2 years ago. He has only since the separation opened up A LITTLE.

X Eve