Quote: Also talked about how I still don't really feel "safe" despite all the good stuff that's going on. Safe that a is over, safe that it won't happen again (same or different op).
I feel the same way. I just think that it'll take some time to feel comfortable in our sitches. Heck, I still feel awkward around my W, but it's becoming less and less. It's all about time... Two years from now, you'll be thinking about all of this stuff even less. At least, that's what I keep telling myself.
In a way, I've tried to not focus on "will this ever happen again" stuff. Thing is, I've come to realize that as much as I try to will the universe to do my bidding, I really have no control. Only God has control. That's not to say that I don't think about it...but I try more to balance those thoughts...
Quote: Noticed (and again this morning) that h had been a cleaning DEMON yesterday.
Although cliche', actions do speak louder than words, do they not?
Quoting jethro: In a way, I've tried to not focus on "will this ever happen again" stuff. Thing is, I've come to realize that as much as I try to will the universe to do my bidding, I really have no control. Only God has control. That's not to say that I don't think about it...but I try more to balance those thoughts...
Yah -- the thing that C and I discussed was twofold -- that I struggle with things that I can't control (and HAVE tried to control them with very negative results -- much of my "bad" behavior early in m was to try to "control" h out of fear) but also that I hold myself to unrelenting standards in an effort to control stuff -- like, IF I'm the PERFECT wife then he will be less likely to cheat, leave, whatever. I can do a pretty good job of beating myself up when I get started -- why did I say that, why didn't I say this, on and on. I think the solution is also twofold -- recognize and accept the things that I cannot control (I think I've heard that somewhere!) and work on ME so that I finally realize that I'm "worthy" even if imperfect.
I don't think that my constant self-monitoring draws h any closer to me either...if anything, I've heard from him that my being on overdrive is a turnoff.
Quote: Although cliche', actions do speak louder than words, do they not?
ESPECIALLY with h. He is all about action! (Problem has been that I am all about words! No matter, I'm figuring that out and "listening" to HIM now).
Just some advance journalling for tomorrow -- h. called and left me an extremely funny voice mail -- it was him singing a song bemoaning the fact that I wasn't available to speak with him -- totally adlibbed. What a riot!
Then, a bit later he called with a "hockey anecdote". I love it when he calls to share stuff like that with me.
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Took h to a secret location (to him, that is) last night -- a bar where we could watch the Sox game! (Was more important when we thought Pedro was pitching). It was nice to do the "surprise" thing and h said "so now it's my turn. 2 weeks from now I'll surprise you". Cool.
I have to admit though that I felt out of sorts a bit -- particularly after we got home. Just had this loneliness inside of me -- this feeling of sadness -- I don't really know why. I asked h if he would give me a hug and he did, asking if I was "ok". I told him I just felt a little sad and we left it at that. I really appreciated that he hugged me "on command" -- -- hmmm, I wonder if I told him that?
Spent the rest of the night watching the game at home. Brought the kittens into the room and they just fell in love with h. They were crawling all over him and purring and just being all gooey!! Very very cute.
I've already spoken with him a few times today. He called about me printing out some resume stuff for him. Cool. I'm happy to help!
He suggested that we take a walk tonight (I bagged going to the gym) so send me good weather vibes! It's raining right now!
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Just some quick journalling re. an awesome night with h.
I worked a bit later than I expected. It was still damp here so I figured the walk was off....called h from work and asked if he wanted me to get something for dinner. He ordered thai food and I picked it up.
We ate and then h asked if I wanted to take a walk. I was surprised -- it was wet AND the sox game was about to start. I agreed, though, and off we went.
Walked around the lake. Just ambled along for a while. H had brought his walkman so when the game started he listened with one ear and gave me a commentary. He grabbed my hand and we walked on...him doing impressions of Joe and Jerry (baseball announcers) and me laughing my head off.
went back home, watched the rest of the game and played with the kittens.
What was different about last night? Why did it feel so good? I had been busy at work -- didn't spend the afternoon dwelling on myself. H was enthusiastic when I called -- was quick to offer a plan. H was enthusiastic about being with me (walking) and was emotionally and physically affectionate. I just felt comfortable in my own skin -- felt confident from work, felt good about exercising, etc. I think it was also nice that h put being with me above watching the game -- he doesn't always need to do that but this time it felt good.
h had done even more house cleaning -- had picked up some stuff for me (unrequested) at the drugstore, etc.
Remind me of this good, simple, lovely time next time I'm freaking out....
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Oh, man, could you ask your H to talk to my H about the cleaning?
About the "could this ever happen again" issue...it's very strange (I think ), but I rather feel like what I've been through has pretty much prepared me for anything.
Like if I were to find out CJ was still in touch with OW, or a new OP, I would be able to handle it (not exactly sure how...DB or D), but I'm stronger now, I trust myself way more than I did before all of this. JMO
Here's to more good days! Ever think of compiling a file of the "good stuff" to reflect on when you're feeling down about things???
To feel comfortable in one's own skin is a truly wonderful thing, and to have achieved that, even if just for a day, is still an accomplishment of significant proportions.
Quoting Jeannine: To feel comfortable in one's own skin is a truly wonderful thing, and to have achieved that, even if just for a day, is still an accomplishment of significant proportions.
Yes, you are right!! It was such an amazing feeling after so many months of feeling like, well, crap I don't expect it to be smooth sailing from now on in terms of my PMA but I hope to remind myself that it IS possible for me to feel good next time I feel low.
It would be nice to store away the "recipe" for future reference, too... it definitely seemed to be a mixture of feeling good about work and myself coupled with h's positive reaction on top!
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
Quoting shinybear: Oh, man, could you ask your H to talk to my H about the cleaning?
Here's my magic bullet: say nothing about the stuff that isn't done and notice, appreciate and praise the stuff that is.
Truth be told...h is MUCH neater than I am so I'm not one to talk. I appreciate the fact, though, that he's been cutting me a bunch of slack lately in terms of my messiness! Keeps talking about how hard I work, etc. One thing I've noticed is that h's renewed enthusiasm about cleaning the house has inspired me too....I'm much less likely to leave dishes in the sink, etc, since he's been working so hard!
Quote: About the "could this ever happen again" issue...it's very strange (I think ), but I rather feel like what I've been through has pretty much prepared me for anything.
Like if I were to find out CJ was still in touch with OW, or a new OP, I would be able to handle it (not exactly sure how...DB or D), but I'm stronger now, I trust myself way more than I did before all of this. JMO
I don't think this response is strange at all...in fact, it's very wise! Knowing that you can't CONTROL with certainty what's going to happen but feeling confident that you'd handle it??? Sounds good to me!
Quote: Here's to more good days! Ever think of compiling a file of the "good stuff" to reflect on when you're feeling down about things???
That's partly why I journal all this stuff...as mundane as it may seem! That way I can go back and look at it!
Sage
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
-- hmmm, I wonder if I told him that?
