H with MLC

[tpaschal]

Sooner

IF your h files for D at least you have some time before it would be final. In Texas it only takes 60 to 90 days. If my h would have filed at the beginning we would be D'd right now.

Well, not necessarily! I'm in Texas, too. My H dropped the bomb in late Dec. 06, and moved out mid February 07. H was very conflicted and even admitted it, but OW got her hooks further and further into him once he was out of the house. H filed in late April 07, pushed all the way by the ho. OW moved in with him in mid May 07, but he still strangely did not have me served until mid June 07.

It is now 8 months since he had me served, and although he is still wanting a D and talking about how it's been long enough and he wants it over with, nothing much has happened. So, you CAN delay it.

Honestly, just the way the court system works can delay it. They are usually so busy and backed up that it takes several weeks for things to be scheduled, and then if they have to be postponed or rescheduled---well, that's one reason why I'm still not divorced.

H told me last week that he would give me a generous settlement if I would stop dragging it out through the courts, but that no matter which way it went, it would be finished by June and there was nothing I could do about it.

Well, we'll see about that, honey! You think I'm going to let the ho plan a June wedding when he hasn't even introduced her to the kids? Hell no!

One thing you can ask for, though the courts may not grant it---I don't know how it works from state to state---is court ordered counseling for H and any minor children. That delays things while counseling is sought.

Another thing I plan to ask my L about today is making it a condition that the house is sold and a new house bought for me and the kids BEFORE I will sign any D papers. H can talk all the talk he wants about giving me all the profits from the sale of the house and helping me and the kids buy a new one, but once a D is final, there is no way I can force him to do what he says he will, even if it's in the Divorce decree.

A friend of mine is experiencing that right now. There were several conditions in her Divorce decree that her exH is simply ignoring. She has had to hire another lawyer to take care of it. She will probably end up having to take him back to court, and even if the judge orders it again, MAKING him comply will be very difficult. I mean, they can threaten him with jail time, or even throw him in jail, but if he loses his job because of being in jail, how does that ultimately help her and her kids?

So, stay friendly but drag it out when it comes to D talk. Use the D very wisely as a bargaining tool. And no, I am NOT advocating divorce. I'm just saying that if it comes down to it, you have to be the one to look out for you and the kids first, because he certainly will not.

It does give your h some time to work through things and maybe some of the fog will clear by then and he would stop the D.

And even if he does NOT come out of the fog and stop the D, it gives YOU more time to GAL, get strong, and plan your moves and what you want out of the D and out of life more carefully.

You said that there is a one year waiting period---what does that mean, exactly? A one year separation period before he can actually file for D? Or a one year waiting period from the time D papers are filed before it becomes final? Do you have to be taking all the steps for getting a D during this year or can you wait until the year is up before you start? (Steps like getting an outside appraisal of any property, of any investments, taking depositions from his OW or from others who know first hand of the A, putting the house on the market if necessary, etc., etc.)

I've been getting some wise advice on another thread. Make this time about YOU. What do YOU want? What do YOU need? Being the best YOU possible will be very important if he ever does come to his senses and want to come back home.